A wish your heart makes
by JennyWren
Summary: Erk loves Christine, but desires Meg. Disaster or happy end? We´ll see... Complete!
1. Some day my prince will come

**A wish your heart makes**

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the characters from "The Phantom of the Opera". They belong to Gaston Leroux / Andrew Lloyd Webber. The title of the story as well as the chapter titles come from Disney songs, and of course I don´t own Disney. However, this does not mean that the story will be happy fairytale phluff. You´ll see the irony behind it soon.

**1) Some day my prince will come**

The moment had come, and both of them knew it. Christine stood in front of the large mirror, her heart racing. Any second he would come to her, and they would be together at last. Countless times she had asked him to meet her, and he had always refused to fulfil her wish. But today, after her successful performance in "Hannibal", her teacher seemed to feel the need to congratulate her face to face.

Amazed she looked at the figure which she could see now. Her teacher, her friend, her … angel? No, Christine was certain that he wasn´t the Angel of Music. An angel couldn´t make her feel like that. Never since her childhood had she been that happy. Just hearing his voice caused her legs to tremble. It was a caress much softer than anything she had actually experienced. Often while he was speaking she imagined his lips to meet hers in a kiss both gentle and passionate. It hadn´t taken Christine long to analyze these feelings as signs of love, but she hadn´t wanted to tell him too soon. She had waited for a special moment, a moment like this.

On the other side of the mirror Erik put as much emotion into his voice as he could. He had waited for such a long time, but now his patience was over. Christine had sung wonderfully tonight, just like an angel. This had been the final evidence he had needed that she was indeed the one. Ever since he had first seen her he had found consolation in the hope that she could become the one person to show him affection.

Through the warm sound of her voice and the way she kept watching the mirror during their lessons, even though she didn´t see him behind it, he could sense that his hope might me justified. Erik knew she saw him now and was relieved that she hadn´t run from the room screaming as she had done more than once in his nightmares. The corners of his mouth twitched slightly. An average person wouldn´t have called it a smile, but for Erik it was.

There was only one thing to do now. With trembling fingers he reached for the switch that opened the mirror. His hand hovering inches over it he hesitated as suddenly questions shot through his mind. What if this was much too early? What if he scared her? What if he declared her his love, and she trampled on his willingly displayed emotions because she couldn´t cope with who he was, _what_ he was? Sighing he pulled his hand back. "Christine … I can´t …", he said, his voice barely more than a whisper.

But still the girl had heard him. "What do you mean – you can´t?", she called. "I´m waiting for you. Please, Erik!" The use of his first name, which he had only told her a few days previously, underlined her plea. She couldn´t understand why he was doing this to her, why he let her stand here like a fool, begging him to come to her. Did he think it was funny to keep her in suspense like that? A wave of disappointment flooded her body. And she had hoped that he loved her!

"Christine? Can I come in?" It were the right words, but they were spoken by the wrong man. Also they came from the wrong direction. "Of course, Raoul!", she called, automatically running a hand over her hair. It was strange that Raoul caused in her the wish to improve her appearance whereas she didn´t feel the need to do so for Erik. After all, Raoul hadn´t been on her mind for as long as a second since he had left her dressing room to fetch his hat. But maybe now was the right time to think about him.

Raoul entered the room and looked at Christine, who was still staring transfixed at the mirror. With a few long steps he reached her, stretched out one arm and touched her shoulder softly. "Are you all right? We don´t have to go out tonight if you´re … tired or … something like that.", he told her, feeling very awkward. He wanted to celebrate their unexpected meeting, but if she didn´t feel like it, he wouldn´t force her. They could as well see each other on another day, he didn´t mind, as long as they did see each other again. Until this moment he hadn´t realised how much he had missed his former friend.

Christine was surprised to notice that she liked the feeling of his hand. It was nice and warm and somewhat comforting. At least he was there. After casting a last long glance at the mirror she straightened up and turned around to Raoul. "No, I´m fine. We can leave now.", she said, standing up and taking his hand into hers. He smiled brightly, and together they walked out of the room. "Things have changed, Erik.", Christine muttered under her breath.

Erik watched the dreadful scene before his eyes, unable to intervene. Silently he cursed himself for having forgotten to lock the door. At least he had had enough presence of mind to take a step backwards as the boy had come in, so that he hadn´t seen Erik. Everything was his own fault. If only he hadn´t been such a coward! When Christine turned away from him something seemed to break inside him. "Christine … please … don´t …", he whispered. But this time she didn´t hear him.


	2. There´s a time for everyone

**2) There´s a time for everyone **

Christine looked out of the window of her dressing room, humming merrily. Supper with Raoul had been wonderful. Most of the time they had rehashed stories from their childhood. She had laughed so hard as he had told her how his governess had nearly fainted when she had seen him coming back from the sea, soaked to the skin. Even now Christine could still remember that his eyes had brightened up every time he had made her smile. ´You´re so serious.´, he had said, touching the dimple in her left cheek. ´This is hardly my Little Lotte anymore.´

But they had also talked about the present: his job, her progress as a singer. The lack of contact to his brother had been a topic as well as her best friend Meg. Having a conversation with Raoul was so easy! In the rare moments in which she had been able to talk to Erik about other things than songs and scales she had had to be very careful. Sometimes he had just stopped speaking and left without her knowing the reason.

Christine shook her head. She didn´t want to think about Erik. Instead, she leant forward to sniff at the large bouquet of sunflowers that stood on the dressing table. A boy had brought them about half an hour ago, together with a note. Christine let out a soft sigh as she read it again: ´To my darling Christine. Have a good look at how these flowers smile and do the same. It will make you even more beautiful. Yours always, Raoul´.

At that moment she heard the door being opened, but didn´t look up. There was only one person in the opera who entered other people´s rooms without knocking. "Good morning, Meg!", she said. "Good morning, Christine!", the girl replied cheerfully, coming up to greet her friend with a kiss on the cheek. "Oh, what lovely flowers!", she went on. "Who are they from?" Looking into her expectant face Christine thought about leaving her in the dark for a while, but she was far too keen on talking about it.

"Do you remember Raoul?" Meg put a finger on her nose and screwed up her face in mock-concentration. "Well … the new patron of the opera, tall, very handsome?" Christine nodded eagerly. "No, I don´t remember him.", her friend said in a deadly serious voice, earning a nudge in the ribs. "That´s not very friendly!", Meg complained, laughing. "Are you and he really…?" "Yes. He´s such a nice man. He finds the right words and does the right things…" Her voice trailed off dreamily as she pointed at the flowers.

"But what about Erik?" Meg brought her back to earth. "Since when do you call him ´Erik´?", Christine gave back. She had regarded it as a privilege that she was allowed to use this name. "Well, I wouldn´t call him that when meeting him in person. Not that I ever met him in person… but my mother told me about him… and I´ve heard him a few times…" Meg stopped her stuttering, feeling her cheeks flush.

"Meg, is there anything I, as you best friend, should know?", Christine asked, examining her critically. Knowing this could become a longer conversation she led her to the sofa and slumped on it, gesturing at her friend to do the same. Meg sat down on the very edge of the sofa, ready to jump up as soon as there would be an embarrassing turn in their talk. "Well…", she started. "…you know that my mother works for him sometimes, and every now and then when she didn´t have enough time to go herself she sent me. So he… talked to me. Nothing personal, but his voice was so… It made me shiver." She paused for a moment. "This has to sound incredibly stupid."

"Are you telling me that you´ve fallen in love with Erik?" Meg nodded, her body completely tense. Now it was out. For weeks she had held it secret, patiently enduring endless repetitions of what Erik had said to Christine, of how he had praised her. How Meg had wished it was her! She had always known she didn´t stand a chance against her friend. But if Christine really was with Raoul now… Half anxiously, half hopefully Meg waited for her reaction.

This was certainly an extraordinary revelation, and Christine wondered why she hadn´t realised it earlier. Meg hadn´t exactly been enthusiastic lately, but she had thought that the stories about Erik annoyed her. If she had known that her friend was having feelings for the teacher herself, she would not have kept talking about him. For a second Christine closed her eyes, imagining how they had analyzed every word of him, trying to find out whether he could be in love with his student.

Obviously he wasn´t. With this thought her eyes opened and her mind snapped back into the present. ´Forget it, she scolded herself. ´If he loved you, he would have come last night. Maybe Meg can become happy with him.´ At this point she felt a sharp pain in her heart, which made her gasp. Quickly she distracted herself, concentrating on the picture of Raoul in her head. He was the right man for her.

"Well, I can´t say I wasn´t surprised.", she told her honestly. "But I want you to know that I won´t stand in your way." She put a hand on top of her friend´s fingers, which shook nervously. "Have you already thought about how to tell him?", she asked in a kind voice. "A thousand times!", Meg confessed miserably. "I´m not sure I should tell him at all. I´m not you. He would never fall in love with me."

"He wasn´t in love with me either.", Christine said briskly, and for a moment her hurt feelings were visible in her eyes. But it had vanished before the other girl could notice. "I would have had a singing lesson tonight, but I planned to cancel it anyway because… I want to spend some time with Raoul." The truth was that she didn´t want to meet Erik so soon after he had let her down. "So what if you waited for him here? Then you could talk a little and he could get to know you better." Meg sighed in relief that Christine understood her and dared smile. "That sounds like a plan. But you´re sure that you won´t be angry at me?" Her friend gave her hands a slight squeeze. "I have Raoul.", she said simply.


	3. Barely even friends

**3) Barely even friends**

Meg hurried into Christine´s dressing room and slammed the door shut behind her. She had intended to be here at least ten minutes ago, but the curtain calls after the performance had taken much longer than she had expected. That in itself was positive, meaning that the audience had like the opera, yet it had mixed up the timetable the girl had set up for this evening.

Although she didn´t necessarily look like it Meg liked to plan things carefully, especially when they were important. And the next hours would be most important. If she managed to stir up Erik´s interest for her, he would want to meet her again. Maybe, but this she hardly dared believe, he would even fall in love with her.

Meg didn´t know when precisely these feelings had started. The first time she had been told stories about the Opera Ghost in hushed whispers? The first time she had witnessed what he was capable of? The first time she had heard his voice? It had probably been a mixture of all impressions which had led to this result. Of course she had never mentioned any of it to Christine as she hadn´t wanted to be called crazy for being in love with a legend, a seemingly disembodied voice. Later, when he had not only shown that he was a real person, but also whom he was interested in, it had been equally impossible.

Now was her one big chance, and she was about to face it … in her sweaty dancer´s costume. The girl looked down at her body, sighing in frustration. This was what happened when you didn´t stick to your timetable! A few more minutes would have been enough to wash herself and change her clothes. Involuntarily she moved in front of the mirror, examining herself from all sides. It was a beautiful piece of furniture, though Meg had always wondered why Christine needed such a large mirror.

Slowly Erik walked through the passage which led to her dressing room. Unlike so many other times before, he didn´t want to arrive there too soon. He had spent the last 24 hours rehearsing what he would tell Christine, and still he hadn´t found the right words. ´Christine, I´m sorry.´ - each of his little speeches began like that. But he didn´t know what he should apologise for. Having rejected her? Not being able to show his feelings in an appropriate way? Being himself?

He hadn´t attended tonight´s performance for he hadn´t wanted to distract her. Besides, he couldn´t bear seeing his student before he had had the possibility to make things up with her. Erik was more than willing to apologise for everything as long as she didn´t look at him the way she had done last night: so utterly without warmth that his heart had immediately turned to ice.

By now Meg was desperate. The tight costume was sticking to her body like a second skin, and she was longing for fresh air. But if she went into her own dressing room to get a new dress, she would miss Erik. Her gaze fell on Christine´s dressing gown, which hung from a chair. Surely she wouldn´t mind if Meg used it; they swapped things all the time. However, she had to get rid of her costume first. The sweat was starting to dry, and the clothes were becoming very uncomfortable. Unceremoniously she took them all off, stretching her tired limbs before reaching for the dressing gown.

The sight which greeted Erik as he came to the mirror made him forget all he had wanted to say. A girl was standing in the room. It wasn´t Christine, but Meg, Mme.Giry´s daughter. And she was completely naked. Erik tried hard to look into the other direction, but it didn´t work. He watched, transfixed, as she turned around to fetch a dressing gown and put it on.

Never in his life had he seen a woman in that state. He had always resisted the temptation of spying on Christine while she was changing. He hadn´t even dared imagine what she may look like without clothes. But now he was sure he wouldn´t be able to erase Meg´s picture from his mind: the long blond hair, which reached down to her small breasts, the slender thighs and the flat stomach…

Erik felt himself react instantly, which made him slightly confused. He had thought not to be concerned by this physical aspect of love, thought of course he knew it existed. He forced himself to regain control over the speed of his breath, which had become alarmingly fast and so loud that he was afraid Meg could hear him. Or was it this what he secretly wanted?

No! He turned on his heel and ran back to where he had come from, only stopping when he was in the security of his home. He couldn´t understand what had just happened to him. Why did seeing some naked woman have such a strong effect on him? Although the physical consequence had vanished by now, he was shocked how easily one particular emotion had taken charge of his body.

On the other hand he was still overwhelmed by the intensity of what he had felt. It was completely different from the innocent, almost chaste love for Christine. But was it possible to unite these two feelings? Erik was determined to find it out. He sat down at his organ and started playing while he pondered deeply over the next day.


	4. I love to laugh

**4) I love to laugh**

"Erik didn´t show up?", Christine repeated, throwing Meg a brief glance before taking a sip of tea. The two girls were spending their lunch break in a small café not too far away from the opera. Although she had nearly burst with curiosity, Christine had managed to hold herself back all morning. But as soon as they had arrived here she had know only one question: How did the evening with Erik go?

Meg poured another spoonful of sugar into her cup and stirred furiously, as if the tea was the source of all evil. "Well?", the other girl prompted. "No, he didn´t show up, and I don´t know why." Staring down at the table she tried to keep herself from starting to cry in the middle of the crowded café. "I didn´t expect him to stay long after realising you weren´t there. But not coming at all? I mean…" She smiled in a feeble attempt to make fun of the situation. "…is it that difficult to open the door and walk in?"

"Well, Erik isn´t exactly fond of doors.", Christine said, imitating the humorous sound of her friend´s voice. "He likes the extraordinary. That´s why he can enter the room through the mirror." ´At least he could.´, she added in her mind, suddenly serious again. Even though she hated to admit it, the refusal still hurt her, and she doubted she would ever forget it, no matter what would happen between Raoul and her.

She was distracted by a tinkle of china as Meg´s teaspoon fell out of her hand and back into the cup, spattering the tablecloth with tea. Meg, however, didn´t notice it. She was still busy with a certain piece of information she had just been given. "Erik can come through the mirror? You mean he can… look through it from the other side?" "Yes. Have I never told you?", Christine answered, doing her best to clean the mess her friend had made with a handkerchief.

"No!" Meg almost shouted the word. "You´ve never told me, or I wouldn´t have…" She clapped her hand over her mouth in horror as she fully understood what this meant. "You wouldn´t have done what?", the other girl wanted to know. "The dressing gown… the one I gave you back this morning…", Meg muttered faintly. "It was all right that you borrowed it. Your clothes were all sweaty, so…" "You don´t get it! I took off my costume _in front of the mirror_!"

"And you think Erik saw you?" Meg nodded miserably and said: "That´s the only sensible explanation for his behaviour, isn´t it? You told me yourself that he always keeps to your meetings. This is so embarrassing! Even if I ever met him, I wouldn´t be able to look him in the face… What?" She was confused to see that her friend was pressing the wet handkerchief to her mouth to suppress a laugh. "Poor Erik!", she managed to get out, giggling. "You must have scared him to death!"

Because of the puzzled expression on Meg´s face she explained to her: "Well, look at the situation from his point of view: He steps in front of the mirror, expecting to see me, ready for a singing lesson. Instead, he sees you, seemingly ready for… other activities.". "I guess that is one of the things which are only funny when they happen to another person.", Meg said with a wry smile. "But what shall I do now?" "I don´t know yet.", Christine replied, forcing herself to calm down. "There´s no lesson for me today, so you can´t try again. Maybe you should write him a letter."

"Maybe I´ll do that.", Meg agreed. "But let´s talk about something else: Did you enjoy yourself with Raoul yesterday?" "Well, I don´t think my evening was as great as yours. Raoul and I stayed fully dressed…", the other girl said, giggling yet again. "Christine…", Meg growled, giving her a warning look. Christine pulled herself together, afraid of hurting her friend with her comments. If Meg was that touchy, she had to mean it seriously with Erik.

But she accepted the change of subject, readily telling her: "We had a good time. Raoul is very kind, always asking for my wishes and saying how pretty I was.". "And did you…?" Meg pouted and winked seductively. This time they both laughed. "Yes, we kissed.", Christine admitted. "It was fantastic. Did you know that I had never been kissed before?" Her friend shook her head and leant forward to pour both of them some more tea. "Tell me everything about it!"

**Author´s note:** Thank you very much for the lovely rewievs! I´m glad you like the story so far. And I still think it will become EM, even if it might not look as if at the moment.


	5. Someone is waiting to love you

**5) Someone is waiting to love you**

This evening Erik left his world unusually early. It wasn´t even dark as he reached the ground floor of the opera, and he pulled the brim of his hat into his face. Tonight was no performance, so the chance of encountering someone was quite small. Yet he felt uncomfortable and quickened his pace. The last rehearsal had been over an hour ago, but he knew that Christine liked to stay longer.

He had to see her. Although their last meeting had only been two days previously, he missed her so much. It had become even worse since last night for the image of Meg flashed in his mind over and over. Sometimes it managed to push itself over Christine´s picture, which he had never believed possible. Thoughts of Christine were his daily companions, comforting him whenever he needed it.

Meg´s image, however, had made him puzzled for a while, before he had found an explanation why he kept seeing her. It was merely a physical reaction of his body to hers. So the fact that it had been Meg was not important at all; it could have been any other woman. All Erik had to do was go to Christine and say how much he loved her. If only she returned his love! Then these unwanted images would disappear as suddenly as they had come.

Voiced sounded from a nearby corridor, and Erik quickly hid in a dark corner. His heart sped up as he recognised Christine. "We really should go now. Didn´t you tell me the play started at eight?", she called. She sounded happy and a little breathless. It was clearly a man who answered: "Yes, but it has three acts, and we can still arrive at the theatre in time for the second one, even if we don´t hurry.".

Almost soundlessly Erik walked a few steps to see what was going on there… and froze. Christine, _his_ Christine was being embraced by a man. It was the Vicomte de Chagny, who had led her away from the dressing room in that night when everything had gone wrong. Erik had hoped it had only been an old friend of Christine´s, but the hungry way this man looked at her told him different. And now he leant down and kissed her on the lips. As far as Erik could tell from where he stood she enjoyed it, lifting her head and pressing herself shamelessly against the man´s body.

Erik had seen enough. He left this terrible place quickly, making his way to a part of the opera he didn´t visit too often: the roof. Nearly all other places were tainted with memories of Christine, and he needed a rest to think it all over. The way to the roof was long, leading through narrow passages which were rarely used. The whole time he repeated one sentence in a whisper: "You have lost her.". ´Nonsense´, he told himself firmly as he reached his destination. ´To lose a woman you must have _had _her in the first place.´

Looking for a spot to settle down he stopped dead as he noticed that he wasn´t the only one here. Sitting on a low wall with her eyes closed was the very person whose images had been on his mind countless times for the last day. Erik was a little angry. How was he supposed to forget her when she appeared at the most unlikely places? But before he could turn around and leave his curiosity had taken control of him and made him approach her. He wanted to find out what she had done in Christine´s dressing room.

Meg had turned her head towards the sky, enjoying this day´s last rays of sunshine. In weeks like this she had rehearsals from morning to evening, and by the time they were over it was already dark. Realising that it would be different today she had seized the chance to come here. It was her favourite part of the opera – quiet, secluded and therefore ideal for pondering. Meg still hadn´t decided whether a letter was such a good idea. What should she write? Something like: ´Dear Erik! I´m in love with you. Could you please forget that you´ve seen me naked and fall in love with me at once? Yours, Meg.´?

Erik sat down next to the girl. "Good evening, Mlle.Giry.", he said politely. Meg´s eyes snapped open as she recognised the voice and she turned to look at him, at _him_. For a moment she simply stared, refusing to accept what her eyes told her. He was here, maybe one foot away from her. She swallowed hard, fighting the anxiety which rose from her stomach. "Good evening, monsieur.", she whispered.

"Why have you been in Christine´s dressing room yesterday?", he asked flatly. Meg frowned. She didn´t know what she had expected as the start of a conversation with Erik, but certainly not this question. "Does that mean you´ve watched me?", she gave back, a bit more sharply than she had planned. Erik bit his lip. He hadn´t thought that this knowledge also revealed something about him. "Well… yes.", he confessed, his face turning red as he felt her gaze on him. "But I didn´t mean to … it was just … I´m sorry."

Meg shrugged. Had he been another man, she would have shouted at him. But he seemed to be so embarrassed that she couldn´t bring herself to do it. "What happened happened.", she said. Erik sighed with relief. He didn´t want her to think of him as a lecherous old man who spent his time spying on young girls. As he looked at her questioningly she realised that she hadn´t answered him yet. "Christine asked me to cancel the singing lesson for her. She had … something else to do." She couldn´t just blurt out the feelings for him. She had to approach the topic slowly.

"Did this ´something else´ happen to involve a certain Vicomte de Chagny?" Erik´s voice grew louder with each word. Meg nodded briefly and ducked as she saw the fury in his eyes. She had never quite believed the stories about all the horrible things the Opera Ghost had done in his rage, but now she wasn´t that certain anymore. Surely he would understand that she was only the bearer of the bad news, wouldn´t he?

Erik threw the girl a sidelong glance, surprised about her extreme reaction. Since he rarely dealt with other people he only had a vague idea of how menacing he was at times. He wasn´t even especially angry. It confirmed what he had witnessed earlier. He had to face the fact that he could no longer pretend that Christine was his, and this made him just sad, very sad. "Thank you for telling me!", he muttered. "At least you´re honest with me…" He noticed that his eyes were filling with tears, but couldn´t do anything against it. Wiping them away from his right eye would require taking off the mask, and that was impossible in her presence.

Meg watched the rapid change in his mood, not sure what to do. "Christine likes you very much.", she said truthfully. She wanted to put an arm around his shoulders to comfort him, but didn´t dare it. "And still she meets this other man. She doesn´t love me.", Erik stated bitterly. This whole conversation was much too personal for his taste, yet her sympathy made him stay. "I do.", Meg muttered quietly, but Erik didn´t hear it.

Her heart was hurting as she saw him like that, the great legend of the opera reduced to the picture of misery. Suddenly he looked so human, so weak. She knew what she longed for, what she had wanted to do all the time. Perhaps he would kill her afterwards, but it was a risk she was willing to take.

Erik tried to pull himself together. Why should he cry? Because his only dream had just been smashed on the cold floor of reality? He should have known better than to expect miracles. No woman in her right mind would ever love him. He wondered why Meg was still here, listening to his pathetic muttering. Turning his head to ask her he realised how small the distance between them was. He could feel her breath caress his skin. She leant even closer, just like the Vicomte had done when he- His thoughts were interrupted abruptly as she pressed her lips against his.


	6. There may be something there that wasn´t...

**6) There may be something there that wasn´t there before**

Nothing in Meg´s life had ever felt as good as this kiss. It was somehow awkward, but she guessed that was normal. After all, it was her first kiss. This detail was something even her best friend Christine didn´t know. Being slightly older than her, Meg had always paid much attention to sounding mature. But all this was not important at the moment. She concentrated entirely on the feeling of his lips. They were rough and cold, and she wanted to warm them with her own.

Erik was startled as her mouth met his. This couldn´t be happening. Maybe it was a dream. But as his dreams – if he had any, that is – never contained anything positive he drew the conclusion that it was real. He felt like he had had while watching Meg last night, only that his emotions were much stronger, now that they had actual bodily contact.

A part of him longed for Meg to go on, to kiss him over and over again, to tell him sweet and comforting words of love. The other part, however, kept making remarks like: ´What is she doing? What are _you _doing? You love Christine, and only her! What would she say if she saw you like this?´. Erik broke the kiss, regretting it the second her did so.

Meg looked at him, disappointed. "Why… why did you stop?", she asked. "I… you… you and I…", he stammered without having the slightest idea what to say. She moved away from him as she felt how tense he suddenly was, as if her mere presence bothered him. "I´m sorry. I shouldn´t have surprised you like that. I… I´m in love with you.", she muttered. After a second she added: "Perhaps I should have better told you that first.".

This confession shocked Erik more than the kiss. He knew that he wasn´t in love with her. His heart belonged to Christine and it would never be different. But before he had the chance to say so his hands had already seized her shoulders, holding her with an almost painfully strong grip. He kissed her again, forcing her mouth open with his tongue, wanting to taste her. Meg´s eyes widened in surprise about his sudden determination. Finally Erik´s mind regained control over him, and he let go off Meg. Without as much as giving her an explanation he left.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………...

During the ballet lesson the next afternoon Meg still had difficulties in understanding how things could have developed like this between Erik and her. First he had been shy and self-conscious and in the next second almost aggressive. Her mother had told her about the Phantom´s mood swings, but she would have never expected them to be that extreme. Moreover, Meg didn´t know how to go on. Should she try to approach him again or wait for him to make the next step?

Christine, who was standing right next to her, looked at her friend out of the corner of her eye. Erik´s odd behaviour had been their first and only topic all day, but she couldn´t offer an explanation either. She was still trying to cope with the fact that Meg and Erik had kissed. Twice! Christine had dreamed of kissing Erik for such a long time, and her best friend just came along and took matters in her own hands…

"Meg Giry! Have you paid attention?" Mme.Giry´s piercing voice made all girls straighten up immediately. Meg nodded hastily. The ballet teacher threw her daughter a cold glance. "Would you be so kind as to show us the dance sequence I´ve explained to you for the last minutes?" Frantically searching for help she turned to Christine, but she only shrugged and shook her head slightly. She had been lost in thought as well.

Meg took two hesitant steps forward, so that she stood in the middle of the stage. "Maman, I…" She was on the verge of telling her that she had no idea what to do when she felt a nudge in the ribs and almost lost her balance. Nicole, one of the most ambitious chorus girls, had simply pushed her aside. "Let me do it!", she hissed. "I can do this much better than-" Her sentence ended with a scream as she fell through a trapdoor which had just opened in the floor.

All girls rushed forward to see what had happened. "Are you all right, Nicole?", one of them asked anxiously, kneeling down next to the hole. Nicole´s voice sounded tremulous when she replied: "Yes, I´m fine. Fortunately I landed on this pile of curtains we used for the last opera.". "M.Buquet!", Mme.Giry called. "We need a ladder on stage. Now!"

Erik watched the scene from Box Five. He was angry and dissatisfied with himself. This hadn´t worked too well. Next time he had to make sure a thing like that didn´t happen. After allowing himself one moment of gazing at the woman he loved and placing a note on one of the chairs he disappeared.


	7. An enchanted moment

**7) An enchanted moment**

The singing lesson was nearly over, and so far everything had been as usual. Neither Christine nor Erik had mentioned their activities of the last days. She didn´t show how disappointed she was about him being nothing but a disembodied voice again. She almost wished she had never seen him behind the mirror, never faced the possibility that he could be more than her teacher. Then it would be easier to accept his inscrutable friendliness.

He didn´t show how anxious he was about meeting her again. He wished he had never seen her together with the other man. Then he could still pretend that one day she would be more than his student, that one day she would say she loved him and he would be allowed to embrace and kiss her like the Vicomte had done.

Christine stopped singing in mid-sentence. She couldn´t hold back her request any longer. "Erik?", she called timidly, as if she feared he might be gone. "Could you please come to me now?" "But why, child?", he asked. "I want to see you." He shook his head about the simplicity of her answer. "You have already seen me once.", he reminded her. Christine stamped her foot like an impatient child. "That wasn´t enough. I … I want to feel you." Her cheeks flushed. Had she really just said that?

"You want to ´feel me´?" Erik wondered whether his ears had deceived him, simply giving him what he wanted to hear. The girl´s mind was racing as she tried to find a way to make her utterance sound less embarrassing. "You know, sometimes I can hardly believe that you exist. You´re like a shadow, a …" "Ghost?", he suggested, and she nodded, smiling. "Please!", she begged him again. Suddenly Erik was afraid that he might lose her when she didn´t believe in him. He couldn´t let this happen.

With a loud creaking sound the mirror swung open, and he stepped out of the tunnel behind it. For a while they stood in front of each other, eagerly taking in every detail of the other´s appearance. Christine couldn´t help noticing how very tall he was, yet she didn´t feel intimidated. Though she had seen it before, the mask that covered the right half of his face made her feel slightly uneasy. But she shrugged off the thought quickly. Someday she would ask him what was underneath it. This was not the right time.

Erik had seen Christine hundreds of times, yet today it was special. Never had he been so close to her, and never had she looked directly at him. He felt her gaze linger a little longer on the mask than the rest of him, but at least her face didn´t show signs of disgust, more of mild curiosity. He wasn´t afraid anymore. Now she knew he was a real person.

But for Christine this knowledge wasn´t enough. She had planned to touch him, so she would do it. Slowly she drew nearer and ran a finger over the back of his hand. Though it was merely a fleeting moment, it made Erik´s whole body tremble. He closed his eyes for a second, savouring the sensations which flooded his mind. If only she touched him again! He imagined her undressing him, caressing his skin where no other person ever had. A soft moan escaped his lips.

All the time the girl kept her eyes on him, pleased to see the love she felt herself reflected in his face. "My angel…", she whispered, her voice warm with affection. Angel? The almost euphoric mood Erik had been in vanished as he looked again at the fantasies he had had moments before. Christine would be appalled if she knew what he was thinking about her. He was supposed to be her angel, to return her feelings in the most innocent way he was capable of. Instead, he imagined her and himself in situations which were nothing but an insult of his love.

"Christine… no…", he muttered, using all his willpower to keep him from wrapping his arms around her. "It´s because of Meg, isn´t it?" Christine tried to sound composed, though she felt as if a big stone had just fallen into her stomach. "She told me what happened between you and her, and I…" By now another stone was pressing on her vocal chords, making it increasingly difficult to speak. She cleared her throat and continued: "… and I´m glad the two of you found each other. And I´ll remain your student, right?" "Yes, but…" Erik was confused. He had to think about all this, but the situation was developing much too quickly. "It´s all right, Erik. I´ll see you in the next lesson then." With these words she went out of the room.

It took Erik all the way down to his house to understand: He could have actually had her. She didn´t seem to care about this Vicomte in the slightest. But he, Erik, was unworthy of her. Christine deserved a man who treated her like the angel she was. Once he had been able to do that. Since he had seen Meg two days ago, however, these newly-awoken desires made it no longer possible.

He even had to realise that the thought of her standing naked in Christine´s dressing room still aroused him. Though he wanted to fight it, the meeting with Christine had cost him so much strength that he didn´t stand a chance. Finally giving up he sank down on an armchair, placed a hand in his lap and conjured up Meg´s picture in his mind. "Christine… please forgive me… I´ll make it all up… I promise…", he said in a feverish whisper while he started stroking himself.


	8. A guy like you

**8) A guy like you**

The next afternoon Raoul sat in the very first row of the auditorium, fascinated by the scene which was just performed on stage. Usually it was not allowed to watch rehearsals, but he had used his new authority as patron to see what progress the singers made. At least that was the reason he had given M.André and M.Firmin, though he doubted they had actually believed him.

In fact, he had only seized an extra chance to watch Christine. Right from the first moment he had admired the special aura she had whenever she entered the stage. Her normal shyness vanished to reveal an almost superhuman easiness, which even added to her beauty. It had been this aura, not her physical appearance, that had attracted his attention.

Raoul sighed. So far he had not been able to bring to light this easiness in her himself. On the contrary, Christine always seemed to be quite depressed. He partly blamed her past. Though she didn´t speak about it, Raoul had a good idea of how difficult the time after the death of her father must have been. He wished he could have been there to support her, morally as well as financially.

He leant back in his seat, causing it to squeak loudly. Mme.Giry, who stood at the left side of the stage, gave him a stern look, and Raoul tried to sit with as little movement as he could, forcing himself to concentrate on the present. Looking up at Christine, who had just begun an aria, he noticed how pretty she was today. Just like yesterday and the day before… Raoul shrugged. He had every right to have such romantic thoughts. After all, he was in love.

The rehearsal ended some minutes later, and Raoul caught up with Christine before she had even reached her dressing room. "Did you like my singing?", she asked, smiling. "Well, you were… wonderful… amazing… beautiful… fantastic…" Each word was underlined by a kiss. Apparently he didn´t care about the chorus girls´ curious glances. Maybe he even enjoyed them.

Christine´s first impulse was to make him stop. After what had happened in her last singing lesson – or rather, what had _not_ happened – she was certain that it was Erik whom she loved. The logical consequence would be to tell Raoul the truth. She did like him, yet there would never be more between them.

But there would never be more between Erik and her either. Of course she could try to get him away from Meg. The price for it, however, would surely be her friendship to the girl, which was very precious to Christine. She would simply have to live with the thought that the man she loved didn´t return her feelings. The finality of this thought brought tears to her eyes.

Raoul stood rather helplessly in front of her as she started crying silently. "What is it, Christine?", he asked. "Did I do something wrong? Or was it something the other chorus girls or M.Reyer said?" She shook her head. Taking her hand he suggested: "Why don´t I just bring you to your dressing room and…". "No! Meg´s room is … closer.", she muttered. Christine knew she would lose her composure entirely in her own room, where everything reminded her of Erik and yesterday´s encounter. And Meg had already left the opera.

"All right." Raoul led her along the corridor, glad that he still knew from the tour Christine had given him three days ago where the room was. Fortunately the door wasn´t locked. He made the girl sit down on the sofa and took a seat next to her. Tears were running down her face, yet she smiled about his obliging behaviour. Raoul was always so friendly to everybody, and especially to her. "Shall I get you a glass of water?", he wanted to know while he pulled a brilliantly white handkerchief out of the pocket of his vest and handed it to her.

His hand touched hers lightly, and she noticed how warm it was. It was a striking difference to the coldness of Erik´s skin, and somehow this difference was a consolation. "Just kiss me!", she whispered, taking him completely by surprise. He had been sure she would ask him to leave. "Of course, my love.", he said gently, putting an arm around her shoulders while his other hand seized hers. Softly he kissed her lips, then moved to her cheeks to remove the last tears.


	9. This burning desire

**Author´s notes: **

1)This chapter is a bit darker than the previous ones and also contains a bit more sexuality. I hope you don´t mind.

2) Again, thanks to all the nice people who took the time to review! I really should say that more often, but you can be sure that I absolutely loved every single review. _Lindaleriel:_ I´m glad you like Raoul. There are far too few who do. _twinlady:_ Lovely idea! I don´t think it´ll ever happen, though.

**9) This burning desire**

This time Meg didn´t arrive too late. She also wore prettier clothes than four days ago. Proudly she looked at her white blouse and the light blue skirt. Her mother had even let her skip the rehearsal to go home and change. It had been her who had brought her daughter the news. ´He wishes to meet you in Christine Daaé´s dressing room at six.´, she had said, showing her a note written in red ink. As nearly always her face hadn´t given away her thoughts.

As Meg expected him to come through the mirror she jumped when the door was opened behind her. "Good evening." Erik´s melodic voice filled the room, making the girl shiver with anticipation. She turned around to face him. "Good evening, monsieur!", she said, smiling. He, however, didn´t show any signs of emotion. "Why do you think we are here?", he asked. Meg hesitated. Was this a trick question? "To… talk?", she suggested. "But you can talk all the time: with your mother and your friends. Surely you don´t need me to talk."

Erik came closer, watching her like a bird of prey does it with a mouse. And Meg felt like a mouse under his gaze. "What is it you really want?", he hissed, and even if she had known the perfect answer, she would not have been able to utter a single syllable. Her heart was beating much more quickly than usual, but she had no idea whether it was because she was frightened or excited.

After a long moment he crushed his lips against hers, and this time she opened her mouth readily, making it easier for his tongue to enter. Soon Meg was losing herself in the kiss, focusing entirely on the sensual play of their tongues. She only opened her eyes when she noticed something pressing against her thigh. Spending most of the day with a group of adolescent girls she of course knew what happened to men in certain situations. But knowing it and actually feeling it were two completely different things.

Meg ended the kiss, and they both had to gasp for breath before she could speak. "I… I´m not sure I want this.", she muttered, hoping her would understand. "Don´t you think it´s too early?" "Too early for what, my dear?", Erik gave back, chuckling. Obviously he found the conversation amusing. "Too early for… ooh!" The connection between her mind and her mouth was interrupted when he started kissing his way down her neck. Since Meg was very ticklish all she could do now was giggling.

Erik was a little proud that he had managed to make the girl stop arguing. How easy everything was when he simply let his body decide what to do! In contrast to his mind, his body showed very clearly what it wanted, and for once he would not hold himself back. He pushed Meg backwards till her back hit the edge of the dressing table. With one swift movement he shoved the few things that lay on it aside and put her down on it instead.

As his hands glided under her skirt and up her thighs Meg stopped giggling. Suddenly she realised that she was about to lose her virginity to a man she had not even spoken ten sentences with. Although it was feeling very good what he did, she had imagined making love to be something special that men and women did after having met more than once. She wasn´t even sure whether he knew it would be her first time. At least she had to tell him.

"Erik… I… I´ve never… done this…", she stammered sheepishly, looking at her own arms, which lay on his shoulders. She had no idea what she wanted to achieve with it, she didn´t even know if she wanted him to stop. The tingling in the region below her stomach gave her completely different advice from her mind.

Erik, however, had heard nothing after the first word. "How dare you use that name?", he said in a dangerously low voice. Christine was the only one from whose lips the name ´Erik´ could come. When she spoke this simple word sounded like the sweetest term of affection. He would not allow that its magic would be taken away by some chorus girl. "You should better go now.", he went on slightly louder, pulling his hands out from under her skirt.

She remained where she was, stunned. How could something like a name be that important to him? All right, she hadn´t asked explicitly if she could call him Erik. But then, why should she? Christine used that name, and certainly Meg meant more to him than she, didn´t she? After all, he had nearly slept with her. "But why…?" She never finished the sentence for Erik cut her short. "Get out.", he said, barely able to contain his anger. He was breathing heavily, and his hands were clenched into fists. He looked so frightening that Meg slid from the dressing table and left for her own dressing room without even tidying herself up.


	10. You´re sure to see the light

**10) You´re sure to see the light**

Raoul considered himself the luckiest man on earth. Here he was, sitting next to the loveliest girl he had ever met. Christine hadn´t told him yet why she had been crying, but it didn´t matter as long as she let him comfort her. Actually they didn´t speak at all. The only sound that could be heard were occasional sighs from Christine every time his lips came across an especially sensitive spot on her skin.

Her fingers dishevelled his hair while his hands drew light patterns on her back. Eventually Raoul moved one of them under her bodice, playing with the laces of her corset. He would never take advantage of her weakened state by going further than she wanted. Still, being so close to her was a great feeling. "Oh Christine…", he muttered.

"Sh! Don´t talk!", she whispered. Raoul´s voice had interrupted a very pleasant daydream of hers. When he remained silent she could pretend that the hands and mouth which made her feel so good belonged to Erik. Christine knew it was wrong, but she didn´t have the strength to end it either. ´Tomorrow´, she told herself. ´I´ll say it tomorrow.´

Neither of them heard the door being opened. It was only a gasp that made them whirl around. For a second three people stared at each other. Meg couldn´t believe her eyes. What were Christine and Raoul doing in _her_ dressing room after the end of rehearsal? Well, what they were doing was quite obvious, but why hadn´t they chosen another place?

Christine smiled apologetically at Raoul. She hadn´t thought Meg would use her room again tonight after leaving earlier for some mysterious business she hadn´t even told her best friend about. So why had she returned here? Raoul straightened up and ran both hands through his hair. He didn´t want Meg to get the impression that he had done anything indecent with Christine.

Christine was the one to break the silence. "I´m sorry, Meg.", she said. "We were just… Are you all right?" She had noticed the expression on the girl´s face. "Yes, I´m…" Meg burst into tears. Christine jumped up and led her to the sofa, making her sit down between Raoul and her. Sobbing Meg buried her face at her friend´s shoulder, who patted her back sympathetically.

After letting her cry for some time Christine asked softly: "Do you want to talk about what has happened?". Very slowly Meg lifted her head and nodded. Wiping her eyes carelessly with her sleeve she whispered: "I met him.". "Erik?" As Christine mentioned his name the other girl winced as if she had been beaten. "Does she mean your singing teacher?", Raoul wanted to know. He didn´t know a lot about him; Christine had only told him what a fantastic composer and musician he was and how much she admired his talent. But from her stories he had deduced that she was his only student. What had this man done with Meg then? Was he making private visits to members of the chorus? He would have to find out later.

Christine merely nodded to Raoul and returned her attention to Meg. "You met him, and then…?", she prompted. "At first it was good, really. We kissed and… and did some other things.", Meg said, making all three of them blush as they recalled various events from the last minutes. "But then it changed. _He_ changed. He was so unfriendly, forbidding me to call him ´Erik´." ´That at least explains her strange reaction to the name.´, Christine thought. "I don´t understand it. He has no problem with me using the name. Did anything happen before that? Anything you might have offended him with?", she wanted to know.

"Well, I had the impression that he was determined to… make love to me, and I more or less told him I wasn´t ready for it." Christine frowned. "You ´had the impression´ - what is that supposed to mean?" She couldn´t quite believe that Erik had actually wanted that. Why now? And much more important: Why with Meg and not with her? But she pushed these questions to the back of her mind. She´d be able to wallow in self-pity later.

Meg stared at the floor, her face becoming even redder. "When we were close I could feel… it.", she muttered. "Oh!", Christine commented while Raoul shifted in his seat uncomfortably. He felt more and more like an intruder into the girls´ private conversation. But if he stood up and left, he would disturb them as well. So he stayed and kept listening.

"In my opinion he didn´t get angry at you because you wanted things to go more slowly.", Christine said after recovering from the initial shock. Her beloved Erik seemed to have a side she didn´t know about. Suddenly her friend seized her hand and squeezed it. "Do you think he loves me?" Her eyes were so full of both hope and fear that Christine could only give one answer. "I´m sure he has certain feelings for you."

"Has he ever said so?" Meg´s eagerness was almost more than her friend could bear. "Not exactly… but remember what he did yesterday! He made Nicole fall through this trapdoor to save you from being humiliated by her." A smile lit up Meg´s face. "Yes, that´s true." Gratefully she hugged the other girl. "Everything will be better next time.", Christine whispered into her hair. "Raoul and I will leave you alone now. Then you can wash your face before going home. Otherwise your mother´ll ask lots of questions."

It was only when Christine stood up that the other girl noticed there were signs of tears on her cheeks as well. "Have you been crying?", she asked. Christine looked from her to Raoul and back. "It was nothing. Nicole just said I looked like a scarecrow in my costume.", she lied quickly, hoping it was enough to satisfy their curiosity. "She´s such a vicious beast.", Meg grumbled. "Indeed.", Christine agreed, pulling Raoul to his feet. "Good night, Meg!" "Good night!", Meg called. "And if this Erik doesn´t become friendlier, just let me know, and I´ll have a man-to-man talk with him!", Raoul offered before closing the door behind them.

"That was so sweet of you!", Christine said. "I only want your friend to be happy. Everybody should be as happy as we are." Raoul´s words, spoken with so much honesty and love, made her sigh inwardly. "Will you be at the performance tomorrow?", she asked as they reached his coach. "I wouldn´t miss it for a million francs… Shall I take you somewhere?" "I´d rather walk. But thank you… for everything.", she whispered. After a long kiss Raoul entered the coach and left. Christine watched till it was out of sight.


	11. The wisdom to be wise

**11) The wisdom to be wise**

"But… but the performance will start in two hours!" It happened quite frequently that one of the managers put into words what both were thinking. This time it was M.Firmin, examining their unexpected visitor closely, as if the check for others signs of madness. "It is absolutely impossible to change a part of the opera now.", M.André assisted.

"You don´t have another choice.", Mme.Giry said. "It´s all in here." She waved a letter around, annoyed that the new managers had not yet understood what a note by the Opera Ghost meant. It wasn´t a friendly request or a suggestion. It was an order. " ´The dance sequence at the beginning of act three will be performed by Mlle.Giry tonight.´", she read out before handing the letter to M.André.

He skimmed it and asked: "Are you sure you didn´t write this yourself, so that your daughter gets a better part?". The insolence of his question made Mme.Giry gasp for breath. "Monsieurs, I would never dare such an audacity." Of course she was a little flattered that _he_ had chosen Meg for that difficult sequence, but she wouldn´t have tried to influence him in any way.

"And why can this man tell us what to do?", M.Firmin wanted to know. Almost wistfully the ballet teacher thought of M.Lefèvre. At least he hadn´t been that slow on the uptake. She had already had dozens of conversations about this topic. "You have witnessed what he is capable of. Remember what he did the first time you were here! La Carlotta was nearly killed. Believe me, it will be best if you just let him have his will."

The two men in front of her looked at each other. M.André already wished they had never come to this opera house. They could have had a nice, quiet life, maybe at a theatre. Or were theatres also haunted sometimes? He had no idea as he had not even believed in ghosts before he had arrived here. And now there was this ghost, poking his nose in their business. But then, he had heard rumours that the Phantom didn´t _have_ a nose…

"Who has danced the part so far?", M.Firmin asked Mme.Giry, who instantly replied: "Nicole Grandoir, monsieur.". M.Firmin groaned. The Grandoir family was very influential in Paris, and annoying them would not be wise. But they couldn´t afford to annoy the Opera Ghost either. Shuddering M.Firmin thought of all the money they would lose if this man did something terrible with hundreds of people watching. Nobody would come to their opera anymore.

"All right.", he finally said, having decided that pleasing the Phantom was more important than the Grandoirs. M.André nodded, relieved that it wasn´t him who had to make this choice. "Does your daughter know the steps at all?", he wanted to know. "Of course, monsieur. She is the understudy of Nicole in this scene." Mme.Giry shook her head in indignation. If Meg couldn´t dance the part, the Opera Ghost would never have ordered this change. "Then go and tell the girls quickly!", M.André said, and the ballet teacher went out of the managers´ office, leaving two men who had just obeyed the Phantom for the first time.

Within minutes Mme.Giry had reached the chorus girls, who stood and sat around, chatting about everything and nothing, barely able to hide their excitement about the performance. At once they fell silent and looked at her expectantly. "I have an announcement to make.", she said. "There will be a change in act three. Instead of Nicole, Meg will dance the scene at the beginning."

"What? But why?", Nicole blurted out, jumping up from the floor. "Oh, it´s all the fault of these stupid managers. They wouldn´t even recognise a talented dancer if she sat on their lap!", she muttered, pacing up and down in the room. Mme.Giry glanced at her coldly and said: "To your information: It was the Opera Ghost´s decision.".

The girls started whispering immediately, retelling the usual stories about the ghost. Meg smile broadly. This was certainly a sign of his affection. "Congratulations! See? Everything will be fine.", Christine told her in a low voice. "Come with me now, Meg!", Mme.Giry ordered. "We still have one hour left to practice." As Meg came over to her mother she muttered: "I´m proud of you.", giving her daughter one of her rare smiles.


	12. Why I see her dancing there

**12) Why I see her dancing there**

"I´ll be so happy when all this is over.", Meg told Christine in a nervous whisper. It was the intermission between act two and act three, and her scene would be right at the beginning. "You have to believe in yourself. You know you can dance it… Erik knows it as well." Thinking of Erik made Meg a little calmer. They would meet again after the performance; Erik had sent her another note. Of course Christine was right. There was no reason to be worried.

When the music started Meg entered the stage gracefully. She began dancing, trying hard to forget the many people who were staring at her and only her right now. Her mother´s voice sounded through her head. ´Don´t you dare have stage fright! Just think of it as another rehearsal!´ As she followed this piece of advice she regained her self-confidence and was able to dance with more expression.

Christine watched her best friend, though it was difficult without being seen by the audience herself. Meg was fantastic tonight, she moved with an elegance and effortlessness that was unusual even for her standard. Christine admired her way of dancing, but she was jealous at the same time. She didn´t envy Meg for the scene as Christine knew she could not have performed it that well.

No, Erik was the reason for her feeling that way. Erik, who was probably sitting in Box Five now, looking at Meg, fascinated by her talent and beauty. Erik, who should love her and not Meg. Erik, who was only Christine´s teacher. Fighting back tears she bit her lip so hard that she tasted her own blood and forced her attention back on the stage.

But what was that? All of a sudden the music became faster and faster. Meg tried her best to keep pace with it, but it was impossible. The orchestra played as if the musicians had signed a contract saying that they would finish earlier today. In a desperate attempt to adjust her steps to the music she tripped over her own feet and fell to the floor. Laughter could be heard here and there, but apart from that it was completely silent. As dignified as she could Meg stood up and left quickly. Christine wanted to go after her, but Mme.Giry caught her by the arm and pushed her onto the stage, together with the other characters for the next scene. The performance had to be continued.

As soon as possible Christine started looking for Meg. She had to comfort her, to tell her that such things simply happened and that it had not been her fault. But she didn´t know whether she would find the right words to make her friend forget this public humiliation. The thought that something like that could happen to her as well made Christine shudder.

At the door of one of the other girl´s dressing room she met the last person she felt like talking to now. "Oh, aren´t you with your friend, the great dancer? I bet she´s sitting in a corner, crying her eyes out.", Nicole said with a smirk. "Honestly, I´ve never seen such a pathetic performance! And I thought _you_ had no talent. A horse would have been more-"

"Hold your tongue!", Christine exclaimed impatiently. "Meg will always be better than you. Maybe … maybe you were behind this! After all, you spend each lunch break with another orchestra member, gossiping and giggling." Nicole only smiled in her usual self-satisfied way. "Even if this was true, you´d never be able to proof it." With these words she opened the dressing room´s door and went inside.

Christine ground her teeth for she knew the other girl was right. The musicians wouldn´t confess having done anything to please Nicole, and it wasn´t very likely that she would let the cat out of the bag herself. All Christine could do was give Meg her support. But then she recalled that her friend had a meeting with Erik now. She had asked Christine whether they could use her dressing room again, and of course she had said yes. Christine wondered why Erik insisted on this particular place, but with a sigh she realised that it was none of her business.


	13. is turning me to sin

**Author´s note:** If you still believe this story would somehow turn into a happyE/M romance, better don´t read this chapter. Oh, and for the title: You have to read it together with the title of chapter 9.

**13) …is turning me to sin**

Erik was already there when Meg came into the room about an hour after leaving the stage. She had used the time to regain her composure and change her clothes. Now she was wearing a long dress in a pale pink colour. She only hoped Erik would like it. After all the negative things that had happened today she wouldn´t be surprised if he said she looked like a piglet.

He watched her entering, noticing the advantage of her clothes at once: The dress could be opened easily by undoing a few buttons at the front. This would be very useful. Tonight he would satisfy his needs with Meg and return to admiring Christine afterwards. But he didn´t want to think about her now. He didn´t want to think at all. His mind went numb, and his body took over. This was something he had had lots of practice in lately, especially in the hours at night when he had done forbidden things. The time for punishment would come later; it had always come. But now was now.

Without even greeting her Erik wrapped his arms around Meg´s waist and kissed her passionately. She was shocked by his directness, yet after a few seconds she was overcome by emotions and returned the kiss. By now his lips seemed almost familiar, but the taste of his mouth and the feeling of his tongue running over and under hers was still exciting.

Meg was a little disappointed as his lips left her mouth. A moment later, however, she realised that his gaze had wandered down, and his hands opened button after button of her dress. Even though she wore a corset underneath, her figure could be seen quite clearly. She knew he had watched her undress before, but now nudity would inevitably lead to something else, and this scared her. So she seized his wrists to make him stop.

Erik´s voice sounded annoyed as he asked: "Why are you doing that?". Without the slightest effort he freed his hands. "Could we perhaps… wait a little? I don´t know whether you… but you know that I´ve never… I think we should get to know each other better first.", she stuttered incoherently. Little she saw that Erik was no longer in control of himself. In his opinion her constant talking had ruined everything last time. If she hadn´t used his name…! But this would not happen again; he would make sure of it.

"Do you know what your problem is? You cannot be quiet for one second. But I´ll help you with it.", he muttered. Quickly he pulled out a handkerchief and stuffed it into her mouth roughly. "This time I´ll finish what I´ve begun." He ignored how full of fear Meg´s eyes were as she found herself unable to speak. But then, he hadn´t seen the love which had been in them earlier either. He picked up her struggling body and threw her onto the sofa, tearing her dress without further ado.

Meg fought against Erik, yet he was pressing her down with his weight. She couldn´t understand why this was happening. She would have been willing to give him what he wanted, only not just now. "If I were you, I´d stop struggling, or I´ll have to tie you up.", he told her. "I know knots that become tighter every time you move. And you don´t want that anything happens to these lovely wrists, do you?" She shook her head frantically and ended every unnecessary movement. Feeling the growing bulge in his trousers she realised this would be painful for her anyway.

"That´s my girl.", Erik commented coldly, already fingering the laces of her corset. For a few moments Meg was hoping against hope that he wouldn´t find out how to open it. After all, he couldn´t know how this was done, could he? Unfortunately she underestimated Erik. It only took one or two minutes till he had removed the corset and the rest of her underwear, leaving her just as beautiful as she had been on that evening four days ago.

By now only the rapid heaving and lowering of her chest gave away that Meg was still alive. She was paralysed with fear. What if he killed her when he decided he had enough of her? Meg felt sick. This was no longer the Erik she knew. ´The Erik you know?´, a voice in her head asked ironically. ´You haven´t known this man. You only had an image of him on your mind, the image of a friendly and loving man. The real Erik has never treated you well.´ But worse that this knowledge was that some tiny part of her was still in love with him.

His hands groped her breasts, pinching the nipples painfully. Then his fingers trailed down her stomach and between her legs, spreading them apart. Meg´s breath grew shallow, and she felt as if she was far away from her body. By the time Erik looked up from opening his trousers she had nearly passed out. Suspecting that she needed more air he removed the handkerchief. She seemed to be too weak for screaming.

Slowly Meg opened her eyes. "Let me go, monsieur… please!", she whispered faintly. There was something in the voice of his victim that made Erik come to his senses again. He stood up from the sofa and stared at her. She was no longer the object of his desires, but a real, living person, who could feel just like he did. How could he ever make up for what he had done to her in these last few days?

"I´m sorry… I´m so sorry…", he said, fully aware how laughable this was. "Can I go?", Meg asked in a small voice, still not daring to move. Hearing her again was enough to drive Erik away. He hurried over to the mirror, grateful that he had left it open slightly. With trembling hands he pushed it till he could fit through. Before Meg even reached for her clothes he was gone.


	14. On days where the sun is gone

**14) On days where the sun is gone**

"_What_ did Erik do?" Christine stared at Mme.Giry in a desperate attempt to discover something in her eyes that told her she wasn´t serious. "He tried to… force himself upon Meg last night." The ballet teacher´s voice was very calm, but Christine noticed that she clutched her cane so firmly that her knuckles were white.

"It was I who found her.", she went on. "I was looking for her because she didn´t return home after the performance. There was still light in your dressing room, and as I had seen you leave… There she lay on the sofa. She… didn´t wear anything. Her body was so cold! When she saw me she started talking. ´Look what your Opera Ghost has done to me, maman!´, she said, all composed. ´And you always told me he wasn´t a bad person. You always came to his defence when something was said against him. Who came to my defence?´ Then I heard the entire story."

Mme.Giry gave a dry sob, but pulled herself together instantly and continued. Obviously she wanted to finish as quickly as possible. "I don´t know how to describe what happened next. It was… as if something in her broke. I´ve never seen someone cry like that. When she didn´t stop after a few minutes I went to fetch a doctor. He said it was some kind of breakdown and gave her pills that made her fall asleep."

Christine couldn´t stand it any longer. Her knees gave way, and she collapsed on a chair. A part of her still hoped this was a nightmare. Erik, the man she loved, had done something that terrible to her best friend Meg? She would have never believed possible he was capable of such violence. And she, Christine, was the cause of it. If she hadn´t encouraged Meg to show him her feelings, the two wouldn´t have even met.

"Is Meg upstairs in her room? Can I visit her?", she asked, but Mme.Giry shook her head. "She´s still sleeping, and I don´t want anyone to disturb her. She needs all the rest she can get before we leave." It was only then that Christine noticed the open suitcases that stood at several spots in the Girys´ living room. "Where are you going?" "My sister lives in Marseille.", the woman explained. "We can stay with her till I find a new job. Meg can look for something new as well… when she´s feeling better."

"Is there anything I can do for you?" Christine herself couldn´t think of something. After all, she didn´t have the power to change the past. To her surprise the ballet teacher said: "There is one thing…". "What is it?", the girl asked eagerly. Maybe she could at least help a little. Mme.Giry looked at her intently. "Go to him!", she said quietly.

"What?", Christine muttered. Go to him? To Erik? Why should she do that? She wasn´t even sure what she felt for him. Mme.Giry´s revelation had hit her like a punch in the ribcage. Her heart seemed to be bleeding, losing those precious feelings she had hidden in it. Could she still love a man who had tried to force a girl to sleep with him? Christine would have probably avoided him, at least till she knew the answer.

Yet Mme.Giry had told her to go to him. "Do you want me to talk to him, to find out why he did that?", the girl asked uncertainly. The reply came at once: "I don´t care what you say… as long as you stay with him.". Christine was on the verge of uttering her third ´what´ in this conversation, but held herself back. "I shall stay with him? But why?"

The ballet teacher cleared her throat before she began to speak. "For a long time I was there for Erik. I tried my best to make other people understand him better. I became more and more aware that I had taken over more than a normal job. And as time passed I even started… liking him." The disgusted expression on her face made clear how she thought about this now.

"But you were never… well…?" Christine didn´t know how to put in into words, but the older woman understood her anyway. "…in love with him?", she finished the sentence. "No. He was my responsibility. And from this moment he´s yours." "Why mine?" Mme.Giry couldn´t seriously expect her to care for Erik. There had to be another way.

"Because he loves you, Christine.", the woman said firmly. "He needs someone to rely on, and I can´t be this person anymore, even if I wouldn´t leave the opera. I couldn´t bear seeing him again." "Are you afraid he could do something to you?", Christine asked. "I´m afraid _I_ could do something to _him_.", Mme.Giry corrected in the same deadly calm voice as before.

They argued back and forth for several minutes. Finally the girls was determined to visit Erik in his home and ask him about the reasons for his attack on Meg. At least she would know if it had been her, Christine´s, fault. The she could still decide how to go on. In any case there was someone she had to talk to first.


	15. Though there´s no one there to guide you

**15) Though there´s no one there to guide you**

"So, that´s the whole story.", Christine said. Maybe for the first time she had been completely honest with Raoul, neither sparing him certain details nor making the situation better than it was. It would be very unfair to leave him in the dark, and she liked him far too much to do that.

At first Raoul didn´t react at all. He simply kept staring at the trees around them, just like he had done while she had spoken. They had met for a walk, but then settled down quickly on a bench as Christine´s urge to talk had overwhelmed her. "So?", she asked timidly after a few seconds. The silence was unnerving her a little.

"Let me summarize this, so that I can be sure I didn´t misunderstand you.", he said, now looking at a couple of sparrows that sat on a bush. "Your singing teacher, this Erik, did violence to Meg last night, and you want to go and talk to him?" He shook his head incredulously. Christine couldn´t mean that. She was probably just upset by the assault on her best friend and didn´t think about the consequences which such an action might have.

"It´s not as if I had a choice, Raoul. This is the least I can do for Meg." Raoul´s voice sounded suspicious as he asked: "What kind of advantage should she have from a conversation between Erik and you? Five minutes ago you told me she will go away from Paris anyway. I don´t think she´ll want to hear explanations about why this was done to her.".

"Well, maybe she…" Christine stopped herself in mid-sentence, feeling that her resolution not to lie to Raoul again began to crumble. "You´re right. It´s because of me. I need to know whether he´s really… evil." However, she had no idea what she would do once she had the answer. On the one hand she couldn´t believe that her Erik was bad all of a sudden. This had to have developed gradually, which would mean that she had had an entirely wrong impression of him all the time. On the other hand it would be easier to walk away from him and never come back if he was evil.

"You seem to care a lot for him." There was a certain undertone in Raoul´s voice that she couldn´t comprehend. "I… I love him. At least I did love him. But after…" He turned his head and looked at her for the first time since they sat here. "I know.", he said simply. Christine stared at him blankly. She hadn´t told him that, at least not explicitly, afraid that he would be unwilling to listen if he knew it.

Raoul´s gaze was inscrutable. "You didn´t hide it too well. Every time you speak about him your eyes sparkle, and you have this special way of smiling. It wasn´t hard to guess that your feelings for Erik exceed the limit of a teacher-student relationship." "I´m sorry, Raoul.", Christine whispered, placing a hand on his shoulder. "I should have told you earlier."

"That´s true.", he agreed. With a sad smile, that made the girl feel even more miserable, he went on: "Still I have to thank you for the time we spent together. For me it was wonderful… even though you would have preferred to be with someone else.". Raoul didn´t dare ask whether she had only endured his caresses thinking of the other man. Probably it was best if he preserved his illusions about it.

Christine couldn´t help thinking that his behaviour only added to her impression that she was nothing but a heartless monster. If he had yelled at her, she would have yelled back and been glad about getting rid of this idiot. But it was difficult to cope with the fact that, even with the prospect of being left, he was still so friendly to her.

"I´m so silly.", she voiced her thoughts. "I don´t even know what waits for me down there." Raoul covered her hand with his. It still felt comforting, perhaps even more than the first time he had done this. "You´re not silly – you´re in love.", he said softly. Christine stood up. "Since when does the one thing exclude the other?", she wanted to know with a bitter smile.

Raoul stayed where he was, aware that asking whether he could come with her was pointless. "Promise me you´ll be careful!", he muttered. Christine, who had already turned around to leave, called over her shoulder: "I´ll try.". But all the same she was certain that from the moment she entered Erik´s world things would no longer be in her hands.


	16. Learning you were wrong

**16) Learning you were wrong**

There had been one ray of sunshine in Erik´s life, his love to Christine and the hope which had resulted from it. But it was gone, extinguished like the candles in his living room that he hadn´t bothered to light again. Sitting in the dark seemed to be the only appropriate activity for him.

He would never see Christine again. This resolution had been his first clear thought after returning to his home. He would stay here, trying to find comfort in his music, which nobody would ever sing. All the sheets with duets, for soprano and tenor of course, lay on a large pile in front of him, yet he had no idea what to do with them. They were useless, meaningless, a waste of space. Just like himself.

The pain was excruciating, but he had to stand it. The thought to end his life had occurred to him sometime in the last hours, yet he wouldn´t do it. Erik knew that Meg would think of what he had done to her for the rest of her life. It wouldn´t be just to end his suffering any earlier than hers. His mind forced him to relive the last night again and again; still he couldn´t understand what had got into him. He had almost taken a girl´s virginity by force, just because he had felt like it.

His pondering was disturbed by the door being opened. A dark figure moved into the room. "Christine?", Erik breathed. He didn´t want to believe it was really her. Too often had he seen his angel down here, only to find himself rousing from one of his daydreams. This was the good kind of dreams, the one he allowed himself to have. The other kind… no, he refused to think about it now.

The girl tried to find out where Erik was, but the room was so dark that she could hardly make out what was in the corners. A voice came from one of them: "I´m here. But stay where you are!". He had taken off his mask quickly after coming back, and even if he knew its exact location, he wouldn´t get there without lighting a candle. This would mean that Christine would see his face, and he couldn´t do that to her.

Noticing the slight trace of panic in his words the girl complied, merely entering the room enough to close the door behind her. "You can sit down on the armchair. It´s only a few steps away from you.", Erik said. Now that she had heard him twice she also knew where he had to be, yet she saw nothing but a person crouched on the floor in the far end of the room. Again she did what he had told her.

"I can guess why you are here.", he said in a calm voice. "And I´m willing to tell you everything. But don´t interrupt me, please!" Even more than talking about the topic he feared her comments. Besides, he doubted he´d have the courage to continue once he had stopped. She remained silent, which he accepted as approval.

"I think it all started on the evening I came to give you a singing lesson and saw Meg instead. I didn´t mean to spy on either of you; it just… happened. It was the first time I saw a woman… like that." He felt his cheeks flush and was glad that the darkness covered it. "Somehow it gave me a new perspective on the relationship between men and women. Of course I had known before what they do together, but it had never occurred to me that you and I could … do that."

How should another person understand his pathetic attempts on an explanation? He didn´t even fully understand it himself. Still he went on: "From that day on I had these fantasies. I refused to think about you in this way, but then it became worse. I started imagining Meg in… certain situations with me. After some time it wasn´t enough, and since it was so easy to approach her I… I took advantage of the fact that she was in love with me. I wanted to live the physical side of love with her because I knew I´d never be able to even talk about this topic with you. And as she was unwilling to obey yesterday I almost…" He couldn´t bring himself to speak it aloud.

"I don´t know what I´m feeling anymore.", he said instead. "I tried to blame Meg for everything. Each time after we had met I punished her. But after what had happened last night I realised that it wasn´t her fault, but mine. So I began to punish myself. However, that´s not important. Just answer me one question: Are you frightened of me now?" "Why should I?", the girl asked coldly. "Is there anything more terrible than what you´ve already done to me?" Erik gasped in shock as he recognised her voice. "Meg?", he said in a terrified whisper.


	17. What an unusual view!

**17) What an unusual view!**

"You expected someone else, didn´t you? I apologise for not being Christine.", Meg said bitterly, and there was indeed nothing she regretted more in this moment. If she had been Christine, Erik wouldn´t have been that violent to her. He adored his student, whereas he had only looked for pleasure with Meg, using her feelings for his own purposes.

She didn´t know why she had come here. But one thing was certain: Being mistaken for her best friend hadn´t been her intention. When Erik had addressed her as Christine she had made a quick decision not to reveal who she was too early. She didn´t want to hear lame excuses – she wanted the truth. So she had not said a word, knowing that Erik would be able to tell the difference between Christine and her at once if she had done so. Patiently she had held back every remark and every question till she couldn´t take it anymore.

However, it was Erik who asked the first question. "Did your mother show you the way to my home?" Since Mme.Giry was the only person to know how to arrive here unharmed, the answer was clear. He cursed himself for having given the necessary information to the ballet teacher. But then she had always treated things like that confidentially. Meg shook her head, although he couldn´t see it in the darkness. "She had written the instructions on a piece of paper, and I got it from her handbag. Do you really think maman would want me to meet the man who nearly took what should be the privilege of my husband… if I ever have one?"

Erik was surprised by her eloquence. He had pondered about Meg´s state many times in the last hours, but he had imagined her lying in bed, sobbing, or maybe sitting somewhere in shock. Never had he thought she´d come to him to talk things over. "Why are you here?", he asked. Her mere presence was frightening him slightly. He had no idea what she was up to.

"I wanted to see what you were doing.", she said conversationally, as if she was a good friend who had just happened to come by. "Whether you were still basking in the afterglow of what you´ve done to me. Did you enjoy it? The power you had over me, the fear in my eyes…" Each of her words stabbed Erik´s heart like a knife. "Stop it!", he whispered.

"Don´t interrupt me, please!", she mocked what he had said earlier. "You will listen to me. Do you know how I was feeling, lying under you, praying it would at least be over soon? Do you know how terrified I was? You may think you´ve shown mercy by letting go off me because I´m still… intact now. But I won´t let you delude yourself with this lie. You´ve destroyed me, and I don´t think it could be any worse if you had actually taken my virginity." Meg breathed deeply. This monologue had cost her more strength than she´d have believed possible. She had no idea why she had told him all that. For some reason she just wanted him to know.

All Erik did know was that he had to do something. A part of him wanted to run away and never come back. But he wouldn´t be able to escape from his memories. His hands clenched into fists as he kept himself from attacking her, just to make her stop talking, stop hurting him. Yet she had every right to hurt him. That was why another part of him wanted to hand her a pistol and make her shoot him. Then they would be even.

"Believe me: If I could make it undone…", he started, but she cut him short. "Don´t talk such nonsense! You said yourself you had fantasies about me. How many of them did you live out last night?" "None!", Erik cried, shaking his head frantically. "You misunderstood me. Yes, I had fantasies about you and me, but there wasn´t violence involved. I was just dreaming about… making love to you, all gentle and loving.", he finished, talking so quickly that he almost stumbled over his own words. After a few seconds he added pleadingly: "That´s nothing bad, is it?".

"As long as these thoughts would have stayed in your head…", she said uncertainly. Erik´s honesty took her by surprise. Moreover, she had had similar dreams of him. If she had heard of his twenty-four hours ago, she´d probably have been flattered that she was the girl her desired. But everything had changed. "I still don´t understand why you´ve done this. I was in love with you – I´d have given myself to you willingly if you had waited a little." "I couldn´t hold myself back any longer. The urge to… take you was so strong. It was as if I had lost my mind.", he muttered.

Meg decided she had had enough of this. It was leading nowhere, and she had other questions she needed answers to. "You mentioned earlier that you punished me. What did you mean by that?", she asked. Although Erik sensed it was merely a brief digression from the main topic, he couldn´t help giving a small sigh of relief. Not that this was something he felt like talking about…

"I thought I had to hurt you for the way you made me feel. Physically and emotionally." "Wait a second!", Meg called as comprehension dawned on her. "It was you who told the musicians to play faster, so that I made a fool out of myself." "Yes.", Erik admitted meekly. "So you didn´t give me the bigger part because you liked me, but because it was easier to humiliate me like this.", the girl stated. She should have known it had been too good to be true right from the beginning.

"Yes, but-" "This was one incident.", she continued mercilessly, ignoring his objection. "We´ve met _twice_ before last night. So?" Erik lifted his head to peer through the darkness. He wanted to find out whether she was really as cool as she pretended to be. Her matter-of-factness seemed to be not normal in her situation. Yet he couldn´t see her face. "Do you remember the day the Grandoir girl fell through the trapdoor? It should have been you. She pushed you aside, and I didn´t react quickly enough.", he explained.

Meg shivered as her last illusions that Erik could have love her dissolved one by one. She wanted to know one more thing, then she´d leave and try to cope somehow with everything that had happened. "You told me you punished yourself…", she said slowly. He nodded. "When I came home last night I realised how much I had abused you. The feelings you had for me were a wonderful gift, and I didn´t even have enough decency to treat you like a human being. I had indeed turned into a monster."

"What did you do?", she asked instantly. "On the table in front of you is a candelabra. Light the candles and come over here.", he advised her. Meg followed his instructions, hoping it was not some trick of his. And even if it was – what did she have to lose? Yet something in his voice told her that he was serious. Very serious.

In the short time that she needed Erik had hidden his head behind his arms, but when Meg approached him he took them away. The girl clapped a hand over her mouth in horror and nearly dropped the candelabra. "Oh my God!", she breathed. It was the first time in years that someone saw Erik without his mask. But Meg didn´t look at the right side of his face.


	18. No face as hideous as my face

**18) No face as hideous as my face...**

Meg´s gaze was fixed on the part of Erik´s face she had seen before. If she hadn´t been certain it was the same men, she wouldn´t have believed it. Dozens of blood-red lines ran across the left side of his face like a spider´s web. Some were inches long, going from the forehead to the mouth or from the cheek to the chin. Some reached to the part that had been disfigured before. Blood was still oozing out of one or two of them.

"What have you done to yourself?", she whispered. Tentatively she stretched out a hand and touched one of the cuts. The resulting pain made Erik whimper softly. Meg pulled back her hand at once. She placed the candelabra on the floor in front of her and sat down, facing him. "Why?" was the only word she could utter. "After hurting you so much this seemed to be logical. Now no woman will fall for me, thinking I was a decent man, only slightly disfigured." His voice was dripping with sarcasm.

Meg couldn´t stop staring at his face. The candlelight cast shadows on it, making the network of lines look like cracks in the ground on a dry summer´s day. "Why like this?", she asked. "One for every kiss, one for every touch, one for every thought of you.", he explained calmly. Something very weird was happening in Meg´s stomach. So she was the cause of all this. But should she feel guilty now?

"It appears you haven´t thought about me too often. Or was there simply not enough space left?", she remarked in a feeble attempt to make fun of a situation that couldn´t have been more serious. He looked at her for a long moment, not saying a word. Meg´s heart skipped a beat. "No… don´t tell me you…", she muttered, but he nodded and unbuttoned his shirt. Hadn´t the room been so dark the girl would have seen the traces of blood earlier.

The chest was even worse. Apparently Erik had been able to work more violently here as the cuts seemed to be deeper. But Meg´s attention was drawn to the most terrible wounds she had seen so far. In at least three places his skin was badly burned. The first blisters were showing. "What´s this?", she wanted to know, pointing at one of them. The mere sight of them made her shudder as she thought about how much serious injuries like that had to hurt. "The difficult ones. As long as my interest in you was only physical, I could still tell myself I wasn´t really unfaithful to Christine. But a few times…" He looked down at his chest for a moment before his eyes returned to Meg. "… I actually imagined how it would be to share my life with you. To have you live here with me. To become the father of your children. For these thoughts… well, sometimes a candle is better than a razor if you understand what I mean…"

Meg gulped, fighting against a wave of nausea as she noticed the smell of blood and burnt flesh for the first time. She didn´t know how to react to this revelation. Did he expect her to say something comforting? She opened her mouth, but no words came out, just a sigh. Leaning closer she cupped his right cheek with her hand, careful not to hurt him. She looked deep into his eyes. He was so helpless, so vulnerable. Yet there was something else. When his breath tickled her face a flash of images hit her. _He was lying on her again, his weight pressing on her ribcage making it hard to breathe. She saw the lust in his eyes and knew he wouldn´t stop, not until he was satisfied. _Without thinking about it the girl raised her other hand and slapped his face.

Erik gave a yelp of pain. "You _almost _got me convinced.", Meg muttered. "You´ve only shown me this to make me pity you, the poor ugly man with the forbidden desires. But I can see through you. What do you say now?" She threw him a hostile glance, amazed at her own daring. Judging by all the tales she had heard he was capable of killing her in an instant. Yet she wasn´t afraid. Not anymore.

At last Erik replied. "Do it again.", he whispered. "What?", she blurted out. "I deserve it. If it makes you feel better, go on." When Meg didn´t move he grabbed her wrist almost fiercely and lifted her hand into the air once more. She stared at him. By now his face looked as if he was part of one of the horror stories she had liked as a child. The force of her blow had made some of the cuts open again. Blood trickled down his cheek, not unlike tears. "I´m sorry.", she said in a small voice. She spotted a cloth on a chair nearby and used it to stop the bleeding.

"Don´t do that!", he muttered, but didn´t protest physically. "I´m all confused.", Meg said, pressing the cloth against his cheek. "I came down here to shout at you how much I hate you. But you´re saying these things…" Her voice trailed off as new pictures invaded her head, very different from the first ones. _Erik was singing for her with his beautiful voice. He looked at her and only her, whispering sweet nothings into her ear. _Meg sighed. In the books she had read problems had never been that complex. Good men stayed good, and bad men stayed bad. So the heroine always knew what to feel and whom to trust. For Meg it wasn´t that easy: Erik´s behaviour changed constantly, and so did hers.

"´Father of my children´ - Did you really mean that?", she asked. "Yes.", Erik answered with a lopsided smile. "It must have been the most ridiculous thought I´ve ever had. As if I had anything to offer to a woman, let alone children… I´m just a pathetic old fool." "Don´t you think you´re a bit too hard on yourself?" Meg took the hand she had slapped him with earlier and ran it through one of the few strands of hair that were left on his head. Erik had jumped as she raised her hand, but relaxed quickly under her caress. "No wig today?" He shook his head slightly. "No. Today it´s just me in all my hideousness."

"You must think me mad.", she said quietly. "One moment I hit you, in the next I take care of your wounds. One moment I can hardly bear looking at you, and in the next…" The sentence was finished by action rather than words as she brought her lips to his, startling them both. As long as the kiss lasted they watched each other. After a few seconds Erik moved his head away from her. "I´m afraid I don´t understand you.", he muttered, giving a peculiar sound, somewhere between a chuckle and a sigh. "Neither do I.", Meg confessed.

"How did it feel for you?", she asked. "Good. Very good.", he replied hesitantly, not knowing what she had in mind. Actually this was an understatement. It had been brilliant, even more so because he hadn´t thought he´d ever been shown affection in that way. He had refused to remember his first kisses with Meg as the memory was clouded by the incident last night.

The girl frowned, trying to analyse her own emotions. "It felt so… right.", she said pensively. Suddenly she exclaimed: "But that´s all wrong! I can´t still be in love with you, can I?". Silently Erik took the cloth out of her hand, so that she could get a clear view of his face. "Look at me!", he urged her. "Don´t you see how repulsive I am? Don´t you remember what I did to you? Answer your own question: Are you in love with me?"

**Author´s note:** The third cliffhanger... But at least I don´t let you wait too long with the updates. So there´s no reason for complaining, is there? keeps hand at the level of her eyes... just in case


	19. was ever meant for heaven´s light

**Author´s note:** Thank you so much for the reviews! I´ve never got so many for one chapter - it made my day. _I love Gerry:_ In general my stories are a mixture of about 90 ALW (musical, not movie), 9 Leroux and 1 Kay. And honestly I didn´t pay that much attention to Meg´s breasts while watching the movie... _Mysweetphantom:_ That was very decent. I´m not the kind of writer who lets her characters rape each other in one chapter, and in the next they´re all happy again. I always try to make clear why they do what they do. I can understand you were worried about Meg, but I hope it´s better now. I´m glad you kept reading.

**19) ... was ever made for heaven´s light**

Meg avoided Erik´s eye, clearly uneasy. She knew that she´d have to tell him sometime. How much longer would she be able to hold back her confession? But now was not the right moment. "Do _you_ still love Christine?", she asked. Her diversion worked very well; merely mentioning this name made Erik forget that she hadn´t answered.

What a question! Of course he loved Christine. He had loved her from the first moment he had seen her. There were so many memories in which she played the leading role: _The first time he spoke to her. ´Are you the Angel of Music?´, she called anxiously. Having overheard her talking to another girl about the protector her father would send her he simply gave the answer she longed for: ´Yes, I am.. It was so easy. – The dozens of singing lesson they had together. Her eyes shone with tears the first time she reached the high C, and he had known she would soar higher than any singer before her. And maybe she would take him with her. – The performance of ´Hannibal´, in which she sang Elissa after the unfortunate _accident_ of La Carlotta. He sat in Box Five, prouder of his student than he had ever been. She was indeed his angel._

He looked into Meg´s expectant face. Even in the candlelight it was obvious how very pretty she was. Her eyes sparkled, and her cheeks were this lovely shade of pink. He hated to wipe the smile of her lips, but he wanted to be honest with her. "Yes, I still love her.", he replied quietly, watching how during this few words her face turned into a grimace as the girl struggled to maintain her composure. He wondered why his heart grew so heavy. Shouldn´t he be relieved that he was sure of his emotions at last?

"I don´t understand it.", Meg said in a flat voice. "If you love Christine, what do you need me for? I mean, why don´t you think of her in _that_ way?" The reason couldn´t be that he hadn´t seen her naked. The tight costumes the chorus girls wore didn´t leave much to the imagination. There had to be something else. When Erik didn´t react right away she suggested: "Try to imagine her in one of the situations you spoke of earlier!". She knew she was tormenting both him and her, but she simply had to hear a satisfying answer. Otherwise this question would probably follow her like a shadow for the rest of her life.

Obediently he closed his eyes and started: _He stood behind the mirror. But this time it was Christine he watched undressing. Slowly she opened button after button of the dark blue dress he loved her wearing so much, revealing more and more of the corset, which hugged her body like a second skin. The dress fell to the floor. Her gaze wandered from the piece of clothing at her feet over her perfectly shaped legs and came to a halt at the mirror. She smiled seductively and winked at him. Her hands glided over her cleavage to the laces of the corset. She began undoing it, never breaking the eye contact. She was finished so quickly that he asked himself whether she had rehearsed this little performance especially for him. Her corset was about to join the dress on the floor…_

Erik shook his head firmly, and the pictures dissolved. There had been not a trace of this pleasant warmth in his stomach he had every time he thought of Meg, only a strong feeling of indecency. It was not right to have such fantasies of Christine, that much was certain. But why? He opened his eyes. "It didn´t work.", he told Meg, who had waited patiently. "I… I don´t feel good about it, not at all."

"And… and what about me?", the girl asked suddenly. She didn´t dare become more direct, but Erik was sensitive enough to understand it. She wanted to know if he loved her. Since love had been their topic for the last minutes it didn´t come as a surprise. This, however, did not mean Erik knew an answer. To gain a little more time he took her hand and pressed it against his right cheek. Her smooth skin and his rough flesh were a peculiar combination, and for a second or two he simply revelled in the feeling, wishing it could stay like that.

"I love Christine. I´ve always loved Christine. But now… I´m not sure anymore.", he finished in a pitiable voice, grabbing Meg´s hand more tightly. "Why can´t I comprehend my own emotions? Help me, please!", he begged. Looking at Erik an idea began to form in her head, a strange, maybe even crazy idea. Yet it was probably their only chance. "There is something we can do.", she told him, suddenly watching the flames of the candles with an unusual fascination. "Afterwards you´ll know if you were only interested in my body or not." "What are you talking about?", Erik wanted to know, curiosity momentarily superseding his despair. "We´ll make love."

**Author´s note:** I bet you guys are all very keen on getting to know what´s happening to Christine at the moment. Maybe I should write the next few chapters about her... Just kidding!


	20. And with all this romantic atmosphere

**Author´s note:** I hope you don´t mind that I changed the rating for this story. For those of you who don´t want to read about sex: Just read till it says "Warning!", skip the next part and go on at "End of warning!".

**20) And with all this romantic atmosphere… **

Erik´s jaw dropped. "Could you… erm… repeat that, please?", he muttered. Maybe there was something wrong with his ears. After all, he wasn´t exactly young anymore. Meg cleared her throat. Saying it once had been fairly easy, but doing it again, loudly and clearly, was much more difficult. She asked herself how she would do something she couldn´t even talk about. "Well, I thought we should… make love.", she whispered, as if this would make it any less embarrassing.

"But why?", the man sitting in front of her wanted to know. He wondered whether he had missed an important part of their conversation. In one minute they had spoken about his feelings for Christine and Meg, and now the latter suggested they should sleep with each other. It was very weird. Even weirder was that a certain part of his body didn´t seem to care about reasons and already prepared itself for the actual task. Erik changed his sitting position slightly, urgently hoping that Meg didn´t notice how strongly he was affected by their subject.

The girl saw his uneasiness, but blamed her lack of an answer for it. "It´s just a… theory. If we make love and you stop thinking about me afterwards – and I mean the thoughts about me sharing your life – it is the proof that you only have feelings for Christine. Then we simply… forget what has happened between us and go on with our lives. I wouldn´t tell Christine, I promise. But if it turns out to be different…" He voice trailed off.

"I don´t understand why you want to do this for me.", Erik said, trying to fight the very pleasant pictures which flooded his mind. "After what I-" "Sh!", Meg hissed. "There will be a time for talking about this, but it is not now. I´m willing to sleep with you because…" She needed a few moments´ time to think about how to put it. Softly her fingers moved over his face while she was speaking. "You asked me whether I was in love with you, and the answer is ´no´." Erik opened his mouth to say something, but she silenced him by putting a finger on it. "I used to be in love with you, and it was an emotion as innocent and pure as it can be. Then I started spending time with you and saw what you could do. I was frightened and disgusted as I realised that the man I had been in love with didn´t exist. But from the moment I arrived here today I began to discover who you really are. Maybe it´ll take forever till I´m finished. Still I… I´m quite sure I love you."

Gently Erik pressed his lips against her fingertip. Never in his life had he heard something that wonderful. Up to now he had been glad that there were a few people who didn´t run when they saw him, even with his mask. Yet here was this charming girl who wanted to share her innermost feelings with him. Still… "Thank you.", he said, looking at her gratefully. "You have no idea how much this means to me. I wish I could tell you the same, but I simply don´t know it." "I guess we´ll find out.", Meg replied with a questioning glance, not showing that she was disappointed by his hesitance. He nodded.

_Warning!_

Seconds later their mouths met in a rather awkward kiss. They knew what they wanted to do, but neither of them seemed to have an idea how to get there. Sensing that someone had to take the lead Meg pushed her tongue against Erik´s lips, who parted them readily. It started exploring his mouth, running along his teeth and touching his tongue. Finally Erik dared respond. He wrapped his arms around the girl and pulled her closer. Both had forgotten the candelabra which stood between them. Meg knocked it down and jumped back quickly as she had no intention to get in contact with hot wax. They looked at each other, hardly able to keep themselves from laughing.

Erik took the candelabra and stood up. "Maybe we should continue this somewhere else.", he muttered, offering her a hand and pulling her to her feet as well. "You´re right.", Meg said. "We really shouldn´t play with fire." She giggled about her own pun, and before long both were laughing. Under normal circumstances they wouldn´t have thought this so funny, but now their nervousness made them react like that.

In this moment Erik noticed something else. "What are you wearing?", he asked, chuckling. Meg looked down at herself, blushing. "Well, I didn´t have a lot of time for dressing. I was afraid that maman could come in and discover I was going out. After all, I´m supposed to lie in bed and recover.", she explained, wrapping the dressing gown more tightly around her body. She sighed, remembering that she didn´t even wear one of her more beautiful nightdresses underneath it, but a quite ridiculous one with flowers on it. Her chances of being seductive in this were less than zero.

"I could understand it if you don´t want to go on.", she said in a small voice, taking a step backwards. Perhaps he´d rather spend his time with someone more attractive. "Wait!", Erik called. "I didn´t mean it like that – I was just… astonished. It doesn´t matter what you´re wearing. I do know what´s under it." Meg blushed even more at his words. "When you saw me from behind the mirror that night, did you think me… pretty?", she wanted to know, eager for the conversation to go into a more romantic direction. "I thought you were the prettiest girl I had ever set eyes on… I felt like simply jumping into the room, pushing you against some wall and… I´m sorry." Now it was his turn to blush. ´Congratulations, Erik!´, he scolded himself. ´You talked and talked, trying to persuade her you were not a monster, just to ruin everything one the first possible occasion!´

Something very strange happened with Meg. She should have been appalled, but now that she knew she could control his actions the picture Erik had planted on her mind was quite arousing. She couldn´t help wondering what she would have done if he had actually entered the room. Probably she would have died of shock. But maybe… "So you…?" "I want you.", he said simply. Surprised by his boldness he led her hand to his groin. "Do you feel it?", he asked, his voice a little husky. Meg nodded, shivering with anticipation.

He enjoyed the touch of her hand, yet he was afraid that everything could be over rather abruptly if it stay there. "Come with me!", he whispered, leaving the room and walking through the almost completely dark corridor. There wasn´t a lot of choice where to go. He couldn´t ask her to lie with him in his coffin, and the other rooms were not equipped with beds either… except for one. Without a moment´s hesitation he opened the door to the room he had furnished for Christine. Meg followed him and closed the door behind them while he put the candelabra on the table.

For a second they stood completely still in front of each other, no one wanting to make the first move. "We could… extinguish the candles, you know.", Erik suggested. "It was very friendly of you to look at my face, but you don´t have to endure it all the time." She just shook her head while her fingers trailed along the cuts on his chest, occasionally stopping to playfully tug at his chest hair. His heart light with joy about her silent approval he leant down to kiss her again, his hands brushing over her breasts, eventually arriving at the belt of her dressing gown. Slowly he opened it, and Meg helped him pulling it over her shoulders.

Unceremoniously he shook off his shirt, wincing slightly as her tongue took over the work of her hands. The pain, however, passed quickly, and when she played with one of his nipples he gave a moan of pleasure. Meg looked up, shocked about his reaction. "I hurt you, didn´t I?", she muttered. "It´s all right.", he assured her, yet it were his lust filled eyes which convinced her. "I… I´d like to touch you, but I don´t know how.", he confessed after a moment. Last time he hadn´t cared about her at all, but now he wanted her to enjoy it. His hands seemed so big on her shoulders. What if _he_ hurt her?

"I´ll show you." Their earlier activities had left Meg far too aroused to waste much time explaining verbally. With a few hurried movements she took off her remaining clothes, he heart beating wildly. Erik held his breath as he took in her exquisite beauty. He couldn´t believe his luck that he was allowed to look at her, let alone… He let out a low growl of longing as she directed his hands to her breasts, moving them in slow circles. It didn´t take him long to pick up the movements, and Meg closed her eyes when fire seemed to flare up in her stomach. She was even frightened that her legs could no longer support her weight.

Erik felt her body press against his, his trousers the only obstacle between them. Reluctantly he pulled back his hands from her and removed the piece of clothing. Meg gasped at the sight of his manhood. It was so big. Surely having it in her would be terribly painful. But then, mutilating himself must have hurt much more, and still Erik stood in front of her, alive and well. So she´d survive a bit of pain as well. And a part of her was simply fascinated. It was this part that made her touch his manhood cautiously, running a finger over its length. She had never thought anything could feel like this, soft and hard at the same time.

"Oh…", Erik muttered. Nothing his own hands had ever done had been this good. He´d have loved her to go on, but a tiny fraction of his mind was still capable of realising that it would be highly unfair. He didn´t want to have all the fun alone. So he lifted the girl from the floor and carried her over to the bed, placing her on it carefully, as if she was made of glass. "Meg", he whispered, looking at her lovingly. It was the first time this name came from him, and to her it was like a caress.

Their lips found each other in a passionate kiss while he moved himself on top of her. Then he made his way downwards, planting soft little kisses on her neck and collarbone. He heard a sharp intake of breath when he arrived at her breast and continued what his hands had done earlier. Meanwhile his hand took care of the neglected other breast, imitating his tongue´s action. Meg felt as if she had been sent directly to heaven. Erik might not have had any experience in this area, but he was a fast learner.

She wanted him to have as much pleasure as she had and looking down at their bodies she knew just the way. It was time. She squeezed Erik´s shoulder to draw his attention to what she was doing and parted her legs. There were no words necessary; both of them were beyond speech anyway. He took his manhood in his hand and positioned it at her entrance. After exchanging a glance of consent he pushed it into her. Meg gave a small cry as a sharp pain shot through her. Erik froze, watching her in alarm. Seeing her contorted face he showered it with kisses, muttering soothingly – anything to ease the pain. He hated the thought that something which made him feel so good should be unpleasant for her.

After a few moments it became better as Meg grew familiar to the strange sensation of having him inside her. She nodded slightly and tried a little smile. Relieved Erik dared start moving, thrusting in and out of her. The girl had to grip his shoulders for support as the fire spread from her stomach and threatened to consume her. Her breath was no more than gasps, and it was difficult to hear anything beside her pounding heartbeat.

Erik did his best to keep a slow rhythm, but the feeling of her warmth surrounding him was simply overwhelming. Much too soon his release approached, and he couldn´t hold it back. He came, screaming Meg´s name. One moment of complete bliss was his. When his mind was clear enough to notice the disappointment on Meg´s face, however, he instantly felt guilty for his selfish behaviour. "I´m sorry.", he said in a small voice. "I shouldn´t have let myself go like this." "It doesn´t matter.", she whispered, meaning it. She didn´t blame him. They had both been nervous and excited. From the other chorus girls she had heard far worse stories about how mean men treated women during their first time.

_End of warning!_

"I enjoyed it.", she assured him. She wanted to stress this statement by kissing him, but instead she had to yawn. The last hours had been more than turbulent. "Could I stay here and rest for a while?", she asked. "Of course you can. I´ll walk you home later.", he said, pressing his lips against her temple. She gave him a faint smile, turned around and had fallen asleep moments later. Erik got a blanket from the foot of the bed and covered both of them with it. He was exhausted as well, but now he was busy watching her sleep, his Meg, his beautiful enchantress, his… "What have you done to her?", a voice broke the blissful silence.


	21. disaster´s in the air

**21) ... disaster´s in the air**

Erik looked up in alarm. "Madame!", he exclaimed. In the door stood Mme.Giry, carrying a lantern and an expression of utmost disgust as she spotted her daughter lying in his bed, fast asleep. His first thought was to cover the most private part of his body. Hastily he leant over to the bedside table and snatched the black mask that hid his entire face. Having put it on he turned around again. In horror he noticed that there were two more people in the room now. One was this annoying Vicomte and the other… Erik squeezed his eyes shut and opened them again, but this time there was no mistake possible. It was Christine.

"What are you all doing here?", he whispered, shaking his head about the absurdity of the situation. He had not had a single visitor ever since he lived here, but today they seemed to be everywhere. Never had he let his guard down before, and the moment he started doing it he didn´t hear three people entering his house… "You´re not in the position to ask questions!", the ballet teacher said sharply. While he picked up his clothes from the floor and dressed, she came to the bed and stared at Meg. "_What_ have you done to her?", she repeated. Christine and Raoul were silent, but the expression on their faces mirrored Mme.Giry´s.

"We just… we both wanted it.", Erik muttered, addressing no one in particular. Mme.Giry lifted the blanket and gasped in shock. "And where does _this_ come from then?" His hands started shaking as he saw that Meg´s chest was bloodstained. At first he didn´t know the answer himself. He had read that women sometimes bled during their first time, but not there… A slight pain under his shirt revealed the secret to him: Probably due to the friction some of the cuts on his chest had begun to bleed again, and the blood had inevitably trickled down on her.

"That´s not her blood, but mine.", he said. "You smeared your own blood on her body?", Raoul whispered faintly, his face pale. After throwing a quick glance at the sleeping girl, he had fixed his gaze on Erik instead, not wanting to hurt her privacy. He was glad that Christine had eventually approved of Mme.Giry´s suggestion to take him with them when she had noticed that Meg had no longer been in her bed. Till yesterday he had only thought Christine´s teacher to be a little eccentric, but now he was certain that this man was disturbed and possibly dangerous.

Christine gave a strange choking sound, as if she was about to throw up. Raoul´s remark had added to her guilty conscience. Why hadn´t she stayed with Meg? Why hadn´t she been here before her friend? Maybe she could have done something to prevent it. Surely Meg hadn´t come to him on her own free will. Erik had probably used the alluring power of his voice to lead her to his house. She shuddered at the thought how often he could have done this with her. ´The only difference is that you would have liked it.´, a nasty little voice told her, making her bite her lip. It was true.

Panic stood in Erik´s eyes as he tried to explain himself. "The blood had nothing to do with it. We only made love." Now he actually blushed, but nobody saw it beneath the mask. He had the feeling that he would burst into tears before long. He couldn´t bear listening how this wonderful experience was perverted into something dirty and despicable.

"_Made love?_" From Mme.Giry´s lips it sounded like an insult. She was shocked. For years she had followed his orders, and he repaid her by doing violence to her daughter. She examined the man on the bed mercilessly, noticing with a certain satisfaction how he squirmed under her stare. Erik shrank back, plunging into the soft mass of pillows. If only he could sleep now! Sleep next to his Meg and wake up the next morning, laughing with her about this ridiculous nightmare! But it wasn´t a nightmare.

"You´ve shamelessly taken advantage of the fact that my daughter was weak from the medicament the doctor had given her." The ballet teacher was handed Meg´s clothes by Christine and started dressing her. "I didn´t know anything about medicaments, I- Why doesn´t she wake up?", he asked suddenly, seeing how she was stuffed into her nightdress like a doll. "The doctor said the sleeping pills would make her sleep deeper in the next days. It´s supposed to keep her from dreaming… about what has happened to her. But it also affects her when she´s awake.", Mme.Giry explained reluctantly.

A terrible suspicion crept up in Erik. Had Meg only given herself to him so willingly because she had been under the influence of medicaments? He hadn´t seen any differences in her behaviour. But then, he didn´t know her too well. What if he, without even realising it, had finished what he had done to her last night? Would she wake up and be disgusted about having lost her innocence to a monster? He needed answers to this questions, yet the only person who could give them was unable to do it.

Meg was completely dressed now, and Mme.Giry wanted to leave with her. "M. le Vicomte, could you help me, please?", she asked, and Raoul picked up the sleeping girl from the bed. Erik could only watch him, paralysed with his own thoughts. It wouldn´t be difficult to take her away from the boy and throw them all out of his house. But why should he bother to do that?

They were about to go when Erik rose from his pondering. He jumped up and went to the door, grabbing Mme.Giry´s hand. "Madame… Antoinette, please! I didn´t mean to harm her in any way. Have I ever lied to you? Have I ever given you reason not to trust me? I just want to talk to her when she´s awake.", he whispered pleadingly. Her certainty wavered as she looked at the miserable man. "Well… I… Oh, I have to think about all this.", she said. "Come to my house tomorrow evening, then we shall see."

"Thank you, thank you…", Erik muttered. He had been given a chance, and this time he would seize it. He watched them leave one by one. Christine was the last to go. As the others already walked down the corridor she turned around to him. "We´d have a singing lesson in three hours´ time.", she reminded Erik, looking at him with a peculiar expression on her face. But maybe this was only a trick of the candlelight. "Do you think you´ll be able to make it?" "Of course.", he replied, surprised by her eagerness to meet him again. "Very good." Her words seemed to hang in the air long after she had left.


	22. Her heart is also alight

**22) Her heart is also alight**

Erik should have known better than to assume that there would actually be sung in today´s lesson. He had entered the room and sat down on the sofa, just as Christine had asked him to. Then she had wanted to hear the entire story of Meg and him. So her had told her. Since he only had to repeat what he had said to Meg – although he had still believed her to be Christine at that time – it hadn´t been that difficult. He hadn´t even bothered to gloss over things. Judging from the way she had looked at him during her visit to his home Christine´s opinion of him couldn´t become worse anyway.

"So Meg and you slept with each other to find out whether you loved me or her. Was that really her suggestion?" was the first question Christine had after Erik had stopped speaking. He nodded. Seen in a sober light the idea sounded even stranger than when he had first heard it. "I was taken aback myself. It was puzzling that she came to me at all, and then this plan… But we both wanted it, really." The urge to defend himself was stronger now than with Mme.Giry. As much as he appreciated the ballet teacher´s loyal services his relationship to Christine was probably one of the most important things in his life. He took her hand and squeezed it slightly. "Do you believe me?"

"I don´t know.", she replied. Her attention was drawn to the fact that for the first time ever _he_ had touched _her_. Was it supposed to merely add to his attempt to persuade her or was there another reason? "Erik, I don´t understand why you didn´t tell me about these… fantasies right away. Perhaps I could have-" "And how should I have done that in your opinion?", he interrupted her. "Should I have said at the end of a lesson: ´By the way, Christine, last night I pleasured myself imagining how it would be to make love to you, to have your hand wrapped around my-´?"

"Erik!" Christine´s cry told him that he had been a little too direct. Again. Why did women keep asking such questions when they couldn´t bear honest replies? "Well, you wanted to hear it." "I didn´t mean that.", she corrected him quietly. "It´s just… my hand…" His face turned scarlet under the mask as he looked down. Without noticing it he had brought her hand closer and closer to his lap till it had almost made contact with the fabric of his trousers. "I´m sorry.", he mumbled, letting go of her. To his immense surprise she was smiling. "Thank you for the illustration. That was very… graphic." She giggled.

Erik glanced at her as if she had gone crazy. "See? I´m not angry. If you had really talked to me like that, I´d have probably reacted similarly.", she told him. "You have the tendency to forget that I´m a normal girl, even though you call me ´angel´. After the day we had met face to face you must have known I had certain feelings for you. Do you really thing that I…" She gulped, struggling with herself whether she could say what she had in mind. "…that I´ve never daydreamed about you and me?"

She couldn´t mean it. It was impossible that she had fantasies like his, that she maybe even did things… He forbade himself to finish this thought. "Christine, you´ve only seen me twice.", he said, trying hard to sound like a teacher who showed his student a particularly obvious mistake. His voice, however, was so full of partly suppressed emotion that he could hardly get the words out. "So how can you…?" "But I´ve heard you so often.", she replied. "Do you have any idea what you do to me by merely saying my name?"

He shook his head. Of course he knew about the power of his voice. But he had never guessed it could have that effect on her. "Why haven´t _you _told me?", he asked. "You think it would have been any easier for me than for you?", she said seriously. "What should I have said? Something like: ´By the way, Erik, yesterday when Raoul kissed me I imagined it was your tongue in my mouth and… and your hands on my breasts.´?" For a moment Erik was stunned. Christine had thought about him while being with the Vicomte? The full meaning of her words, which he understood a second later, was less pleasant: The Vicomte had fingered her breasts?

It was this thought he voiced first, looking anywhere but at her chest. "You allowed him to touch you that intimately?" Startled by his harsh words she felt the need to defend himself. After all, it wasn´t as if she had particularly enjoyed it. Besides, he certainly wasn´t the right person to judge her. "I guess you didn´t touch Meg at all while sleeping with her.", she said cynically. "You probably just thrust your… your thing into her, not caring whether she was influenced by the sleeping pills. It didn´t matter to you at all if she liked it!"

"But she didn´t act strangely or anything like that, or I wouldn´t have done that, I swear.", he whispered. He accusations penetrated his skin like sharp little needles, adding to the doubts he had since he had first heard of the medicament. He knew his question about the Vicomte had gone too far, but he couldn´t help being hurt thinking that this boy, who seemed to be so insensitive, might have made love to Christine. What if he had not treated her well or forced her to do something she hadn´t been ready for?

As calmly as possible he waited for another outburst of Christine. Something told him she wasn´t finished, and indeed it happened, but not in the way he had imagined. The girl burst into tears. Awkwardly Erik put an arm around her shoulders. "I´m sorry for saying such a nonsense.", she sobbed. "You would have never done anything against her will. It´s just…" She looked up at him, her beautiful eyes shining with tears. "I´ve always dreamed of you being my first. I wouldn´t have let Raoul go any further; he simply wasn´t the right man for me. You are – now I know it. But it´s too late, isn´t it?" Her face was mere inches away from his. "Isn´t it?", she repeated.


	23. Oh, these emotions I never knew

**23) Oh, these emotions I never knew**

Wasn´t it? A part of him, the one that started below his stomach, didn´t care about all this. The by now familiar feeling that his trousers suddenly were much too tight spoke a very clear language: ´She wants you. So forget everything else and take her!´. Erik had the disturbing impression that this part of his body had developed a life of its own lately and tried to influence his decisions. But he was not willing to become a mere slave of his own desires. The last time he had let his lust take the lead he had nearly forced himself on Meg.

When they had made love, however, both his mind and his body had been present. This was his main reason for thinking that there was some truth in Christine´s assumption that it was too late for her and Erik. Meg and he had been connected on more than a physical level. They… they loved each other.

He backed away from her slightly to get a little more space between them. "You´re right, Christine. It´s too late.", he said softly. His heart was heavy as he saw rivers of tears streaming down her rosy cheeks again. He wanted to wipe them away, but she turned his head away from him. "So you only pretended to like me? You just wanted me to sing for you, right?", she whispered. "But no!", he exclaimed. He put a finger under her chin and made her look at him. "You were the first person in the world who showed me that I had something I could give to other people: my music.", he told her. "You´re my best friend, my only friend. Even though I don´t love you in a romantic way – I couldn´t bear losing you."

Christine gazed at his eyes, which were full of tears now as well. But she could see something else: anxiety. He was frightened, frightened that she might reject him as a friend, just like he had rejected her as a lover. Little he knew that she´d never be able to do that. But why? Wasn´t it a completely abnormal behaviour that she still wanted to be with him?

´Not at all!´, she heard a voice in her head say. A smile lit up her face as she finally understood why his words had not made her feel devastated, but comforted. "I do love you.", she replied. "But not like a woman usually loves a man. I love you as a friend." "Really?", Erik asked, not daring to hope that the best outcome possible had actually proven true. Christine nodded. "I guess I didn´t realise it earlier because I thought there was only one way of loving between a man and a woman. But when you spoke of how you feel towards me… it became so clear!"

Erik didn´t want to spoil her happiness, yet there was one more thing he didn´t quite comprehend. "But if you weren´t certain, why did you even talk about making love to me?" She considered his question for a moment. "I´m not sure. I probably wanted you to be my first since you are so close to me… emotionally, I mean.", she explained as he threw her a puzzled look and inched away from her. "I don´t know if you can understand how weird it is to have these… feelings all of a sudden." "Feelings?", Erik repeated blankly. Didn´t she always have feelings? Christine ran a hand through her hair, making it fall over a part of her face like a curtain. How could she talk about such things to a man? "These… feelings that make you want to do certain _things_.", she muttered, blushing.

Now Erik knew what she was trying to say. "Go on!", he encouraged her, pushing the strands of hair out of her face gently. "Well, I wanted to do it with Raoul, yet I didn´t trust him to treat me well, although her had never given me reason to question his decency. I was just scared… When Meg and you slept with each other, did it… did _you_ hurt her?", she asked suddenly. He nodded slowly. "I´m afraid I did. But I think it passed after a while. At least I hope so."

"I´m sure.", Christine said. "You can ask her when you´re meeting her. And maybe I´ll ask Raoul for a second chance." "Why not?" Erik smiled as well now, the prospect of seeing Meg again making his eyes bright. With Christine´s help he´ll get his chance to explain everything, he was sure of it. "And even if he turns out not to be the right one, there are so many other men. But you should always mention right at the beginning that you have a best friend who can become _very _unpleasant…" "I will.", Christine promised. After a second´s silence she wanted to know: "Can a man and a woman who are best friends embrace each other?". She felt like showing him how grateful she was that their relationship still existed. She had feared it could be over after her revelation. "I don´t have the slightest idea. I´ve never _had_ a friend.", he pointed out. "Then I say they can.", she decided quickly and wrapped her arms around him. It was good feeling.


	24. Every turn a surprise

**24) Every turn a surprise**

The first thing Meg noticed when she opened her eyes was the outline of a man sitting on a stool next to her bed. She wiped her eyes with her fingers, but her vision stayed a little blurred. Still, she recognised him immediately. "You?", she muttered incredulously. Her voice sounded hoarse, and her tongue felt like a thick dry sponge in her mouth. Seeing how uncomfortable she was he reached for a glass of water that stood on a table and handed it to her after helping her sit up.

Meg nodded a ´Thank you!´ and emptied the glass quickly. A few moments later she was already feeling better. "What are you doing here?", she asked. "Your mother had to go to the opera because she had left something there. She was of the opinion that someone should be with you when you wake up, so she told me to do it.", he explained kindly, shrugging, as if this had been the most obvious decision. "I´d have never thought she´d let me alone with a man till I was fifty, and especially not with you.", the girl said. "Well, I guess she knows that, no matter what happened last night, she can trust me."

"Last night…", she repeated. Images fluttered around in her mind like a flock of sparrows, and it was difficult to separate them from each other. But some of them occurred again and again: his poor distorted face… the kindness in his eyes… and his naked body lying on top of her. She smiled dreamily. "Did it really happen?" "I think so.", he said. "What kind of a stupid answer is that?" The slight raising of her voice was enough to make him jump. "Well, I wasn´t exactly standing behind the curtains, watching you.", he defended himself. Meg looked up to the ceiling. He was a nice man, but sometimes Christine´s beloved Raoul could get on her nerves.

"I have to go to Erik at once.", she said suddenly. She already missed him. With as much determination as she could muster she pulled the thick blanket away and tried to get up, only to find out that her legs were most unwilling to support her weight. Raoul, who had watched her attempt attentively, caught her as her knees gave way. "What´s wrong with me?", she muttered miserably while he carried her over to an armchair and put her down on it. "If you´d rather sit here, it´s all right with me.", he said, covering her legs with a soft woollen blanket and taking a seat opposite her. "But you musn´t stand up."

She couldn´t understand all this. Hours ago everything had been fine, and now she was so weak that she wasn´t even able to walk. On her questioning glance Raoul told her: "It seems that the medicine you got has some unwanted effects. Maybe it was too strong for you. But then, you were supposed to lie in bed all night…" "What effects?", Meg asked anxiously, ignoring his allusion. She´d get more than enough of that from her mother later. "We don´t know anything for sure since we couldn´t reach the doctor. But I guess the dizziness you´re probably feeling right now is one of them. And I´ve also read about a temporary inability to see the difference between dream and reality."

"What?", she whispered faintly, clutching the hem of her blanket. "Do you mean that Erik and I didn´t… that it was nothing but a dream?" Though she still couldn´t remember all the details, the images were very pleasant. "I can only tell you what I´ve seen myself: When I entered his house with your mother and Christine about…" He threw a brief glance at the grandfather clock. "…four hours ago you were both lying in bed, not… not wearing anything. And he admitted having made love to you. So I´ve no reason to doubt it. The question especially your mother was interested in was whether… whether you wanted it.", he finished uneasily.

"Of course I wanted it!", the girl shouted. Raoul couldn´t help noticing that her voice had returned to full strength, but wasn´t certain if he approved of it. "It was me who came to him. The suggestion to make love was mine. All this would have never happened without my consent." She was glad about knowing that she hadn´t only imagined it. But how could she make Raoul and later also Christine and her mother see that Erik had done nothing wrong?

The thought of Erik caused a frightening suspicion to come up in her mind. What if they weren´t the only ones with this absurd idea? "Does Erik also believe that he might have done violence to me?" Raoul looked at her for a moment and nodded slowly. He was very uncomfortable in his role as bearer of more and more bad news. It was almost ten in the evening. Christine had to be back any minute. If Meg needed one person now, it was her best friend. He was running out of ideas how to make her feel better.

Meg tried to stand up again, but it still didn´t work. "I have to talk to him, Raoul. I have to tell him-" "You won´t go anywhere.", he said strictly. What the girl failed to notice was his slight smile. Unlike her, he didn´t sit with his back to the door. "It´s not necessary.", he went on, indicating her to turn around. Although he couldn´t see the expression on her face, he knew he had been wrong. There was another person Meg needed now.


	25. Rest your head close to my heart

**Author´s note:** _sigh_ That´s the last chapter... Do read the A/N at the end, please!

**25) Rest your head close to my heart**

There was a second of breathless silence during which Meg´s still slightly dizzy mind tried to comprehend. "Erik!", she cried, and he rushed to her. "Meg, my dear, dear Meg!", Erik muttered. As there was no chair he could sit on he knelt down on the floor, taking her hands in his. They were so absorbed in gazing at each other, both asking themselves how they could have missed each other so much in such a short time, that they only looked up when Raoul cleared his throat.

"I know this is a special moment, and I don´t want to disturb you, but… Meg, what if your mother comes home and finds the two of you together? I doubt she´d be pleased.", he said. He couldn´t help noticing that for some strange reason they were a nice couple: the blond girl in her white nightdress and the man dressed in black. Still, he had told Mme.Giry he´d take care of her daughter. "You don´t have to worry, M. le Vicomte.", Erik assured him. "Christine and I saw here in the opera when we were about to leave, and Christine agreed to distract her for a while, so that I could get to Meg." He gave her hands a little squeeze, and Meg felt a wave of affection rise in her.

Erik turned his head slightly to address Raoul. "There are some private matters we have to talk about. Could you…?" He gestured towards the door. He didn´t want to sound rude, but certain things couldn´t be discussed in front of others. "I promised not to let anyone in…", Raoul started. Seeing the disappointment on Meg´s face – the mask Erik wore didn´t allow such a display of emotions – he had an idea which made him smile. "But come to think of it, I haven´t noticed you were here at all.", he went on. "I was just downstairs, making… some tea when you sneaked up to her room." With these words he left for the kitchen.

"I start having the impression that I might have misjudged the boy.", Erik muttered. He was more than surprised about his willingness to give them time to talk alone. "Don´t you want to sit down?", Meg, who hadn´t heard his mumble, asked. "You cannot seriously suggest that I should let go of your hand. The last time I did so I merely turned around and you were gone.", he replied. "But I didn´t want it! If I hadn´t been sleeping, I´d have never-" "I was only trying to make a joke, Meg.", he explained hastily. He straightened up and moved a little closer, so that his hand could caress her cheek. Meg pressed her face against his palm, her worries vanished as quickly as they had come. "This obviously wasn´t the right moment for my first joke ever.", Erik remarked dryly.

"However, there is something very important I have to tell you, the reason why I´m here.", he went on. "But we have to hurry. Mme.Giry will be here soon, and she´ll be-" "- furious?", a voice coming from the door finished coldly. At once they stared in the direction the voice had come from and spotted Mme.Giry standing there. "Maman, we didn´t want to…", "Madame, this is entirely my fault…", they both tried to explain at the same time.

Meg´s mother silenced them with one impatient movement of her hand. "Meeting secretly behind my back – I cannot believe it.", she muttered. Erik rose to his feet, hoping that his rather imposing height made up for his lack of arguments. Mme.Giry was right: Coming to a girl in her bedroom this late at night was highly indecent. "As I´ve already told you: I´m the one to blame for this. If you want, you can throw me out of your house in a minute, but first I have to say something to Meg."

When the ballet teacher didn´t reply he felt encouraged enough to address Meg again. "I should have told you earlier, right after we had… you know. But you were sleeping… and then you weren´t there anymore… and I was frightened I might never get the chance to say it… " He looked into her eyes before uttering the one phrase he had come for. "I love you."

Meg kept gazing up at him, transfixed. She remained like this, seemingly not reacting at all. Yet after about a minute Erik noticed a single tear gliding down her cheek. He wiped it away with his thumb and asked timidly: "Why are you crying, Meg? Have I said something wrong?". He was a bit confused. He had wanted to make her smile, but had apparently achieved the exact opposite. Meg tried to pull herself together. "You´ve said everything wonderfully right. It´s just… I´ve waited for this to happen for such a long time. I love you, too.", she whispered.

None of them paid the slightest attention to Mme.Giry, who pulled a lace handkerchief out of her handbag and discreetly dabbed at her eyes. When she spoke her voice had lost its usual matter-of-factness. "I´m not sure what to say about all this. But Meg, I… more than everything else I want you to have a content life. And if you think you can forgive him what he has done to you and become happy with him…" Meg nodded enthusiastically. "Then I can forgive him as well." She gave them a short nod. "I´ll better leave now. But I have to remind you that my daughter is still weak. So don´t stay too long." For a split-second Meg could have sworn she had seen her mother wink at them.

When she was gone Meg asked: "Am I maybe dreaming all this?". It seemed so unreal that all their problems had vanished. "In this case I´d like to add something to your dream.", Erik said, rummaging in the pocket of his jacket. Eventually he found what he had been looking for. "Close your eyes!", he muttered, and Meg obeyed. When she opened them again she wore a beautiful silver bracelet set with tiny sapphires. "Oh!", she breathed.

"I bought this years and years ago on a small market without even knowing why. It lay there on its cushion of blue velvet, looking as charming as a piece of jewellery possibly can. And when you lay in my bed you reminded me of it." Erik gave a small chuckle, hoping that Meg wouldn´t mind being compared to a bracelet. But she beamed at him, dangerously close to shedding more tears. "Thank you!", she whispered. She came to her feet, her body shaking slightly. He wrapped his arms around her protectively. They stood quite still, listening to the other´s breathing. None of them even thought about kissing. The moment was perfect, just like it was.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………...

Meanwhile Christine, who had arrived with Mme.Giry, and Raoul sat side by side in the kitchen, drinking their third cup of tea and filling each other in on the parts of the story they had missed. The ballet teacher had been with them for a little while, informing them what was happening upstairs and telling them that she was angry at neither of them. Then she had gone to bed.

Christine had just finished talking about her conversation with Erik. On the way here she had made the decision not to ask Raoul about the possibility of continuing their relationship. She didn´t love him, and it wouldn´t be right to tell him otherwise – not even if he had been stupid enough to believe it.

"So Erik and you found out that your feelings don´t go beyond friendship?", Raoul asked. Christine nodded, wondering whether she hadn´t made herself clear enough. "Why did you lie to him?" His question took her by surprise. "But… but I didn´t… I…", she stammered. "Christine", Raoul said softly, covering her small hand with his larger one. "you don´t want him as a friend. You long to be with him for the rest of your life. You _love _him, Christine. Trust me, I know all the signs of unfulfilled love…" He gave a little sigh.

"For a few seconds I actually believed it.", Christine told him, not meeting his eye. She was ashamed about herself. "Then I realised I had lied _because_ I love him. He shouldn´t be worried about me. He deserves a happy life more than anyone else, and when he´s happy in the arms of another woman…" She was unable to go on as her voice was thick with suppressed tears. After a moment she asked barely audibly: "Is it the same what I´m putting you through?".

"I don´t know.", he replied quietly. "Every time I see you my heart stops beating because it´s unworthy to disturb the rhythm of yours, and I can hardly look away from you, afraid I could miss something you say or do. At night I lie awake, recalling nothing but the feeling of your hand or the scent of your hair…" By now tears ran down Christine´s face, and Raoul´s eyes were suspiciously moist as well.

Christine swallowed hard. "Raoul, if I asked you to kiss me now, just to make me feel better, would it be terribly selfish?" He cupped her face with his hands. "Yes, it would. But I´d do it because… I love you, Little Lotte.", he whispered. Gently he brought his lips to hers while his fingers stroked her hair. Both of them felt the same pain, the pain of loving someone who didn´t love you back. But in this one moment they found comfort in each other.

**The End**

**Author´s note:**

Well, it´s over... and I even managed to get a happy end for two of the characters. Somehow I´m sad now, and not only because of the melancholy at the end of the chapter. But I´m glad I had such wonderful and interested people to write for. I appreciated your reviews - thank you very much for them once more! So please tell me what you think about this chapter, the story in general... and the possibility of a sequel. I have some nice ideas in store... If you have any questions, feel free to send me an e-mail! I guess we´ll see each other around. Bye, Jenny Wren

In case some of your were wondering where this or that chapter title came from:

_A wish your heart makes:_ "A dream is a wish your heart makes" (Snow-white and the seven dwarfs)

_Some day my prince will come:_ "Some day my prince will come" (Cinderella)

_There´s a time for everyone, An enchanted moment, And with all this romantic atmosphere…, …disaster´s in the air:_ "Can you feel the love tonight" (The Lion King)

_Barely even friends, Learning you were wrong:_ "Beauty and the Beast" (Beauty and the Beast)

_I love to laugh: _"I love to laugh" (Mary Poppins)

_Someone is waiting to love you, You´re sure to see the light:_ "Someone´s waiting for you" (The Rescuers)

_There may be something there that wasn´t there before:_ "Something there" (Beauty and the Beast)

_A guy like you, Her heart is also alight:_ "A guy like you" (The Hunchback of Notre Dame)

_This burning desire…, …is turning me to sin, Why I see her dancing there, No face as hideous as my face…, …was every meant for heaven´s light:_ "Heaven´s light/Hellfire (The Hunchback of Notre Dame)

_The wisdom to be wise, Though there´s no one there to guide you:_ "Son of man" (Tarzan)

_On days where the sun is gone:_ "Someday" (The Hunchback of Notre Dame)

_What an unusual view:_ "Pink elephants on parade" (Dumbo)

_Oh, these emotions I never knew:_ "Strangers like me" (Tarzan)

_Every turn a surprise:_ "A whole new world" (Aladdin)

_Rest your head close to my heart:_ "Baby mine" (Dumbo)


End file.
